Sing Even When Your Voice Shakes
This quote came up on my meditation app the other night and I immediately opened my to-do list app to jot it down. It reminded me of an Instagram story I posted recently, a clip of me singing The Cure’s, Friday I’m In Love song, and I wanted to make sure I remembered to write a blog post about it later.
This is that post.
On that fateful night, my roommates were out of town and I was looking forward to getting cozy and enjoying the empty house. Not wanting to fill my brain with frivolous noise, I opted to strum on my ukulele instead of scrolling through YouTube or bingeing Netflix. We’d recently learned Friday I’m In Love in my weekly ukulele class so I decided to practice that one.
After a few times singing it through, I noticed my voice began to align snugly to the notes and I was shocked at what I was hearing. Not only did the voice sound good, but I couldn’t help but feel like something deep inside of me, something that had been longing to get out for years, had suddenly been given the space to come through. It was magical. I quickly put my ukulele to the side and ran to get my phone.
“I need to record this,” I said out loud to an empty living room.
I recorded a few takes and smiled wider as I replayed them back.
When I was about 11 or so, my dad bought me a karaoke machine for my birthday. It was the early 2000s so the setup was minimal. There was no fancy screen with scrolling lyrics, just a janky microphone attached to a small boom box. I had to read the lyrics off of the pamphlet as the lyricless song played in the background. One evening after all the lights in the house had been turned off, I felt an impulse to sing to my heart’s desire. Knowing it was too late to fire up my karaoke machine, I grabbed my miniature tape recorder instead and began recording myself belting out a tune I had made up moments before. After a few minutes or so I began to get into my solo jam session. I replayed my song and felt proud of the progress.
The joy didn’t last long, however. A few seconds later I heard my sister yell “Shut up, you can’t sing” from her adjacent room. Though our doors were both closed, we did share a thin wall. Had I known the wall was so thin, I definitely wouldn’t have been singing as fiercely as I had been, nor would I have been replaying that song over and over.
Shame filled my prepubescent heart and tears welled in my eyes. I would never have another solo jam session again - at least when my sister was around.
I don’t blame my sister. To be fair, I probably did suck, it was late, and we likely both had school the next day. But her words chipped away at my confidence especially when it came to expressing myself musically.
She’s not the only one to chip away at my confidence over the years. In third grade, I auditioned with my two best friends to sing a song at a school assembly. They both got chosen and I did not. This seemingly small action contributed to the burying of my voice and the expression of my soul’s song.
I am just now beginning to discover the impact that this self-burial has had on how I take up space in the world. Take my profession for example. For a living, I ghostwrite social media posts for authors when behind the curtain I struggle to share my writing and step fully into my role as writer.
Who really cares?
No one reads anymore.
There are hundreds of other people who have already said what you are saying - save your energy.
These are just a few things that run through my head when I think about sharing a piece of writing. But like the aforementioned quote gently reminded me, a bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
This quote is a great reminder that you don’t need a reason to express yourself. You don’t even need to be that good at it. But if there is a song in your heart or a story itching to get told, it needs to be sung sooner rather than later.
And so sing I did. And I didn’t just sing the song, I also made the very brave decision to share it with my Instagram followers. And I’m not going to lie, I was NERVOUS. I was terrified that people would think I was crazy or that I had misjudged my talents much like I had done two decades before. But the exact opposite thing happened. I got so much love from people which helped reinforce the confidence I have been slowly building over the years, the confidence to express myself and step out from behind the curtain.
As we move into 2024 I want to express myself more and I want to encourage anyone who reads this to do the very same. Sing what’s in your soul even if you don’t have all the answers. Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not on brand, or you are afraid people will think you are nuts. Sure some might, but you’ll likely also be giving someone the courage to step outside their comfort zone.
And think about how much more joyful the world would be if all did that regularly!!