This Former Lush Is Now Drunk on Life
I have never received a blog request but recently a good friend messaged me with one…
So here is that post. …
Alcohol and Adolescence: A Love Affair Begins
Since the age of 15 or so, alcohol has been a BIG part of my life. I just loved the way it made me feel. As soon as I had a few sips of alcohol I could feel my edges soften and I would slowly melt into the “woman” that I most admired; confident, sexy, bold, blunt, funny, and the LIFE of the party. Growing up a shy and quiet “teacher’s pet”, alcohol was nothing short of a miracle drug, curing me of all my insecurities almost instantaneously.
College Years: The Party Continues
As I made my way to college, alcohol still fascinated me. I was the one making extra strong drinks for everyone around me. If someone at the party didn’t drink, I judged them, “how BORING and lame that person is.” I would never consider myself an alcoholic because I never drank alone (unless I was getting ready for a party or pregaming before meeting friends) and I typically saved my binge drinking for weekends. I managed to get good grades, maintain solid friendships, and hold a steady job through it all. Everything was fine!
Except it wasn’t. When drunk, yes I was bolder and possibly more funny, but I also made questionable choices. Like riding in cars with drunk drivers, one ride that resulted in a serious car accident and a cracked spine. Still, though, I kept drinking. And then I started slinging drinks too.
I worked in a bar after graduation. Despite being annoyed at all the slurring and sloppy customers I served, I still finished my shift with a stiff one. We were allowed one premium drink every shift but the manager on duty would usually top himself and the rest of us up for free. Knob Creek and Ginger was my go-to drink then. I never partied with my colleagues though. They were all older and at the time I found it embarrassing that most of them were pushing forty, borderline alcoholics, and still working in a bar. I finished my drink and went to meet my borderline-alcoholic peers.
The Fun Times: Table Dancing, Public Peeing, and Concert Thrashing
I’m not going to lie, I had a LOT of fun in those days; driving to Mexico to pay $10 entry into an all-you-can-drink nightclub (challenge happily accepted.) Dancing on tables and pretty much anywhere and everywhere there was music. Peeing in parking lots. Giggling uncontrollably. Flirting with equally inebriated strangers. Thrashing around at concerts. There’s a lot I don’t remember, but to be honest, that’s probably for the best. Thank my lucky stars social media was not that prevalent - I only had to hide a few embarsssing Facebook photos.
Realizations: The Need for Change
I think I drank so much back then because drinking made me feel alive. As time passed, however, I noticed that when I drank it was usually because I wanted to be somewhere else, surrounded by different people, in a more loving relationship, wearing different clothes, or in a different income bracket. In other words, I was dissatisfied with whatever situation I was in. Drinking, however, made me feel like I was doing something with my life, the same way experiencing a new culture firsthand, giving a stray dog water, or writing a love poem makes me feel today.
The Turning Point: Physical Symptoms and Awakening
In my late 20s, I luckily started to experience horrible hangovers even if I just had one or two drinks. I’d wake up the next day and have a headache and feel lethargic. When I drank wine, for example, I noticed that my bladder felt inflamed and peeing became more difficult. Not to mention the guilt I would feel the next day at all the money I’d wasted on feeling like garbage. It wasn’t fun at the time, but the acute physical symptoms were what finally got me to pay attention to the damage I was doing.
Experimenting with Sobriety: New Beginnings
I started to experiment with going out and not drinking. I admit. At first, it was awkward and my party friends were confused as hell. But I realized I only had to get through the first 30 awkward minutes and then everyone else would have had a drink. In those early days, I tried being as bold, funny, and silly as I would have been if I had been drunk, and it worked!! Sometimes I had to force it a bit, but eventually, I was having the same silly fun. And the best part, I would wake up the next day with no hangover! Through this experiment, I realized that alcohol wasn’t the thing making me a better more confident version of myself, it was just permitting me to be her. I didn’t need alcohol’s permission anymore. I could be all those versions of myself without it.
Shifting Priorities: Embracing a New Lifestyle
For a while, I kept going to the same places and engaging with friends in similar ways but then I just stopped wanting to be around alcohol at all. After my friends would have a couple of drinks, their speech got sloppier, and their voices got louder, I would politely excuse myself and head home for a good night’s rest. I began prioritizing my physical and mental health and investing time and energy into loving my body. The choice became simple for me.
Life Today: Drunk on Life
Today I rarely drink. Whenever I do I am reminded why I don’t. Not only is it an expensive habit, but it spikes my blood sugar making me crave unhealthy foods, disrupts my sleepiness, and usually triggers some unpleasant physical symptoms afterward. I would much rather do something silly with a friend instead.
I don’t miss alcohol because I am living the life of my dreams. I don’t have to escape from reality. I don’t need something to make me feel more important, inflated, or happy for a few hours, because the actions I am taking in life bring me that naturally. I just spent one month and a half driving all around Morocco in my van and I am currently on my way to a festival in Portugal. After that, I am going to explore Galicia and then fly to the Azores to meet a good friend to surf. I have a job that I can do from anywhere and I have several art projects in the works. I love to hike and I love to be around animals. In other words, I’m drunk on life.
And I couldn’t be happier. I’ll cheers to that :)
***If you want to transition away from drinking, I suggest planning activities that your childlike self would have loved. Have a play date with your best friend at the nearby arcade, race go-karts, go mini-golfing, rollerskate, or try a new sport together, like surfing. You’ll be so busy laughing your head off that you won’t even think about drinking. The world is your playground, go out and explore!