Start Before You’re Ready (or You’ll Regret It Again in 10 Years)
An old friend messaged me the other day with a question I’ve heard a hundred different ways, from a hundred different people:
“I have this idea to make money teaching classes online... but I’m nervous. The internet is so crowded. Is it even worth it?”
Here’s what I told her. And what I’ll tell you, too:
Yes. Do it.
Even if you’re scared.
Even if you’re not tech-savvy.
Even if you think you missed your window, or everyone is fed up with virtual courses.
Because the truth is — the “perfect time” already passed ten years ago. And if you keep waiting until you feel ready, you’re going to be having the same conversation with yourself ten years from now.
You don’t need to be Oprah and appeal to the masses.
You don’t need to have millions of followers or a fancy camera setup or a marketing degree. You just need a few humans who resonate with your energy. That’s it. And you’ll find them — or rather, they’ll find you — if you keep showing up with authenticity and a little consistency.
Start where you are. Use what you have.
Record your first Reel. Make your first awkward post. Fumble through your first class.
You might cringe at how cringe you were the next day — but keep going anyway.
You don’t have to quit your job overnight or go off-grid with a laptop and a dream (unless you want to).
But you do have to begin.
Pick a direction. Pick a platform. Pick a person to talk to — just one — and start building for them.
Because the real difference between those of us who “escaped the matrix” and those still stuck in it?
We started.
We said yes before we had all the answers.
We posted the cringey content.
We trusted the vision even when no one else got it.
But here’s the thing most people don’t realize: the algorithms are working for you. Even if you think you might be shouting into a void:
Google is crawling your blog posts. YouTube is scanning your videos and descriptions.
And yes—even ChatGPT is indexing your content, learning from publicly available material to better answer questions people are asking.
—> Here’s How ChatGPT Found Me My Ideal Client: https://nicolepaulus.com/blog-content/2025/5/9/she-found-me-through-chatgpt-proof-that-nicheing-down-still-works
That recipe you shared?
That website tutorial video you recorded and posted on YouTube on the fly?
That mini-class you created for your students?
It’s all working in the background. Quietly. Faithfully.
So when someone finally searches for what you offer—they find you.
It’s not about going viral, it’s about making yourself findable.
And having the courage to begin.
And no, it’s not all sunshine, hammocks, and palm trees (though there’ll be a good deal of that.)
You’ll still hustle. You’ll still grind.
But you’ll be doing it for yourself.
On your time.
For your vision.
About something that lights your soul on fire.
So if you’ve been sitting on an idea for weeks, months — maybe even years — consider this your sign:
Just start.
Or you’ll be looking back a decade from now wishing you had.
Want help figuring out what your idea could look like? I help conscious creatives and curious misfits find clarity, build freedom, and start walking away from the grind. Book a session with me.
Where the Ladies At? - The Disconcerting Absence of Solo Women in Van Life
One disconcerting thing I’ve noticed since transitioning to van life is how few solo women there are outside in the world. I almost never see solo women doing van life. I also rarely see women hiking alone, walking alone, dining alone, or pretty much doing anything alone. I see my fair share of couples on trails and in camper lots. I also see a lot of solo men doing sports or groups of men doing god knows what.
But - where the ladies at?
Observations from Abroad: Morocco and Portugal
In Morocco, it was very rare to see women out solo or even in groups. When dusk approached all the cafes and streets were lined with dudes, not a woman in sight.
Now that I am back in Portugal I can’t help but notice the same thing just on a scaled-down version. Women seem comfortable shopping alone, grocery shopping, or running errands but beyond that the world seems off-limits unless accompanied by their partner.
The Fear Factor: Why Aren't Women Going Solo?
Why is that? Are y’all scared to do things alone?
If so, I get it. Men, especially groups of men, have given themselves a bad reputation over the centuries. But that’s no excuse to deny yourself the pleasure of the great outdoors - or embark on your van life journey ( as long as you proceed with a little bit of common sense because men still be cray no matter where you are in the world.)
My Experience with Fear and Precaution
The past two nights there was nobody around the area I chose to park for a night which kind of creeped me out but I didn’t let it stop me. I wanted to wake up surrounded by nature not in a brightly lit gas station parking lot designated for camper vans. I did however take some precautionary measures. Both nights I walked around the area prior to settling in to make sure there weren’t any groups of sketchy men lingering about. The first night there was a group of guys fishing together. They had a small dog with them, a factor that somehow put me at ease and made them seem less harmful.
Last night there was a large shirtless man who pulled up and parked beside me for a while. I contemplated leaving but he eventually left on his own.
I doubt male van lifers pace around their area before deciding whether to settle in for the night. But I digress.
Sleepless Nights and Adrenaline Jolts
Both of these nights I didn’t sleep all that well because, well, I was on edge. I had never stayed somewhere so remote before.
The first night I woke up with a jolt of adrenaline, a frenetic aura surrounding me. I was suddenly hyper-aware of every breath and ounce of blood circulating through my veins. Then I saw headlights, a car slowly passed mine, and then turned around and passed again.
“Should I leave and head to a well-lit parking lot?” If I left, I rationed, I wouldn’t be able to wake up to a lake view and slowly sip my cacao as I gently ease into the day. The car left and didn’t return so I soothed myself back to sleep.
An hour or so later though, I woke up again, this time convinced that I’d heard footsteps near my van. I sat in the dark for a while, my heart racing. But then I had a thought, I could just look out the window and see for myself. I did, and there was not a soul in sight. I must have dreamt it or perhaps I was tapping into the collective belief that women are fragile and should remain indoors where it’s “safe”. I managed to fall back asleep and wake up feeling refreshed. As I’d hoped, the view was magnificent. What a shame it would have been if I had let my fears get the best of me. But what an even bigger shame it is that it’s 2024 and I still have to choose between being alive and feeling alive.
A Call to Action: Reclaiming Our Place in Nature
That being said, I’d like to encourage any woman reading this to do more outdoor shit alone. How cool would it be to pull up to a campsite and park next to a solo woman with gray-streaked hair and faded tattoos? How refreshing would it be to ask a middle-aged goddess on a hiking trail where the waterfall is? If more of us got out there and did stuff, other women would feel safe to join in on the fun, and then more of us would get to experience what it means to feel at one with nature… and truly alive.
Our collective and very valid fear of men has robbed us of our ability to enjoy our lives and the splendor of nature. Let’s reclaim that joy :)
So, where ya headed, wild thing?
This Former Lush Is Now Drunk on Life
I have never received a blog request but recently a good friend messaged me with one…
So here is that post. …
Alcohol and Adolescence: A Love Affair Begins
Since the age of 15 or so, alcohol has been a BIG part of my life. I just loved the way it made me feel. As soon as I had a few sips of alcohol I could feel my edges soften and I would slowly melt into the “woman” that I most admired; confident, sexy, bold, blunt, funny, and the LIFE of the party. Growing up a shy and quiet “teacher’s pet”, alcohol was nothing short of a miracle drug, curing me of all my insecurities almost instantaneously.
College Years: The Party Continues
As I made my way to college, alcohol still fascinated me. I was the one making extra strong drinks for everyone around me. If someone at the party didn’t drink, I judged them, “how BORING and lame that person is.” I would never consider myself an alcoholic because I never drank alone (unless I was getting ready for a party or pregaming before meeting friends) and I typically saved my binge drinking for weekends. I managed to get good grades, maintain solid friendships, and hold a steady job through it all. Everything was fine!
Except it wasn’t. When drunk, yes I was bolder and possibly more funny, but I also made questionable choices. Like riding in cars with drunk drivers, one ride that resulted in a serious car accident and a cracked spine. Still, though, I kept drinking. And then I started slinging drinks too.
I worked in a bar after graduation. Despite being annoyed at all the slurring and sloppy customers I served, I still finished my shift with a stiff one. We were allowed one premium drink every shift but the manager on duty would usually top himself and the rest of us up for free. Knob Creek and Ginger was my go-to drink then. I never partied with my colleagues though. They were all older and at the time I found it embarrassing that most of them were pushing forty, borderline alcoholics, and still working in a bar. I finished my drink and went to meet my borderline-alcoholic peers.
The Fun Times: Table Dancing, Public Peeing, and Concert Thrashing
I’m not going to lie, I had a LOT of fun in those days; driving to Mexico to pay $10 entry into an all-you-can-drink nightclub (challenge happily accepted.) Dancing on tables and pretty much anywhere and everywhere there was music. Peeing in parking lots. Giggling uncontrollably. Flirting with equally inebriated strangers. Thrashing around at concerts. There’s a lot I don’t remember, but to be honest, that’s probably for the best. Thank my lucky stars social media was not that prevalent - I only had to hide a few embarsssing Facebook photos.
Realizations: The Need for Change
I think I drank so much back then because drinking made me feel alive. As time passed, however, I noticed that when I drank it was usually because I wanted to be somewhere else, surrounded by different people, in a more loving relationship, wearing different clothes, or in a different income bracket. In other words, I was dissatisfied with whatever situation I was in. Drinking, however, made me feel like I was doing something with my life, the same way experiencing a new culture firsthand, giving a stray dog water, or writing a love poem makes me feel today.
The Turning Point: Physical Symptoms and Awakening
In my late 20s, I luckily started to experience horrible hangovers even if I just had one or two drinks. I’d wake up the next day and have a headache and feel lethargic. When I drank wine, for example, I noticed that my bladder felt inflamed and peeing became more difficult. Not to mention the guilt I would feel the next day at all the money I’d wasted on feeling like garbage. It wasn’t fun at the time, but the acute physical symptoms were what finally got me to pay attention to the damage I was doing.
Experimenting with Sobriety: New Beginnings
I started to experiment with going out and not drinking. I admit. At first, it was awkward and my party friends were confused as hell. But I realized I only had to get through the first 30 awkward minutes and then everyone else would have had a drink. In those early days, I tried being as bold, funny, and silly as I would have been if I had been drunk, and it worked!! Sometimes I had to force it a bit, but eventually, I was having the same silly fun. And the best part, I would wake up the next day with no hangover! Through this experiment, I realized that alcohol wasn’t the thing making me a better more confident version of myself, it was just permitting me to be her. I didn’t need alcohol’s permission anymore. I could be all those versions of myself without it.
Shifting Priorities: Embracing a New Lifestyle
For a while, I kept going to the same places and engaging with friends in similar ways but then I just stopped wanting to be around alcohol at all. After my friends would have a couple of drinks, their speech got sloppier, and their voices got louder, I would politely excuse myself and head home for a good night’s rest. I began prioritizing my physical and mental health and investing time and energy into loving my body. The choice became simple for me.
Life Today: Drunk on Life
Today I rarely drink. Whenever I do I am reminded why I don’t. Not only is it an expensive habit, but it spikes my blood sugar making me crave unhealthy foods, disrupts my sleepiness, and usually triggers some unpleasant physical symptoms afterward. I would much rather do something silly with a friend instead.
I don’t miss alcohol because I am living the life of my dreams. I don’t have to escape from reality. I don’t need something to make me feel more important, inflated, or happy for a few hours, because the actions I am taking in life bring me that naturally. I just spent one month and a half driving all around Morocco in my van and I am currently on my way to a festival in Portugal. After that, I am going to explore Galicia and then fly to the Azores to meet a good friend to surf. I have a job that I can do from anywhere and I have several art projects in the works. I love to hike and I love to be around animals. In other words, I’m drunk on life.
And I couldn’t be happier. I’ll cheers to that :)
***If you want to transition away from drinking, I suggest planning activities that your childlike self would have loved. Have a play date with your best friend at the nearby arcade, race go-karts, go mini-golfing, rollerskate, or try a new sport together, like surfing. You’ll be so busy laughing your head off that you won’t even think about drinking. The world is your playground, go out and explore!
How would you describe your relationship with alcohol? Can you relate to the article? Why or why not?
Key Takeaways from My Speaking Debut
Last Wednesday Squarespace paid for me to fly out from Tagazhout Morocco to Amsterdam to speak at Forward Festival and Self Made Summit about authentic community building.
Of course the night before my flight, I couldn’t sleep - classic Nicole. I didn’t feel nervous about my debut public speaking gigs but I suppose it was subconscious. My boyfriend drove me to the airport early in the morning and was gentle with me on the way but the security was not - apparently there was an issue with my passport since I’d entered the country in a van and was attempting to leave without it. I got it sorted but then I had a new challenge - a crammed flight. Word of caution if you ever fly Royal Air Maroc - you will be treated like anything but royalty. They will change the gate a million times and smirk at you when you ask what is going on and never turn on the A/C. The plane was FULL of coughing people and I was just thankful that I managed to grab a water at the kiosk before entering this mobile sauna.
My hotel thankfully included a taxi pickup and I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Just a few hours prior I was heading to the airport in an old Citroen and inhaling all the exhaust from the other old vehicles on the Moroccan freeway and here I was being whisked to my hotel in a new Mercedes that looked more like a spaceship. Just the day before I was using the bathroom in a hole in the ground and “showering” by boiling water and then strategically pouring it over myself while hovering over the same hole in the ground. When I got to my hotel, the first thing I did was take a proper shower, a rainfall shower with steaming temperatures.
Not feeling like going to a restaurant, I made my way to the grocery store and stocked up on all the items I hadn’t been able to indulge in since being in Morocco; prepackaged hummus, chocolate, and fresh lettuce. After gorging on my makeshift picnic in the hotel room, I immediately felt bloated and like a migraine was coming on. Was it a symptom of the processed food my body had just consumed in large quantities, a huge diversion from the fresh tagine I’d been eating daily in Morocco, or was it the fact that my period was about to start? Combine that with my lack of sleep, the horrible flight experience, and the stress looming from my upcoming speaking gigs and I had a recipe for disaster.
I managed to hold it all together and surprise myself, however. Not only did I deliver two speeches to two very different crowds, one to a room full of female entrepreneurs and another to a room full of cool designers and artists, but I managed not to get red or forget any bit of my presentation.
What were my key takeaways from the experience?
Women are awesome. I did ALL of that whilst bleeding.
I will try to avoid traveling during my winter phase if at all possible in the future - though I did it, and I did it well, my body was NOT happy. Now that I am back in Morocco, I am fighting a little illness that I know transpired as a result of not resting during my winter phase.
I actually LOVE public speaking, although I would prefer to talk about topics that invigorate me like overcoming self-doubt, tuning up your intuition, and taking leaps towards achieving self-actualization instead of website design and marketing. Regardless I am grateful to Squarespace for giving me this opportunity and for the surprising fire it ignited within me.
Do you factor in your moon phases when planning important events?
Riding the Loneliness Wave
This past year has been all about me taking steps towards living my dream life, instead of just fantasizing about it. That means that I have been giving myself permission to explore and try things out that pique my curiosity. I have no expectations in mind, just to make sure that fun and lightness are never too far away.
That’s how I ended up in Costa Rica learning to surf, and then later to Morocco to attempt to put into practice what I learned in Costa Rica - this time with a constricting wetsuit on. It’s also how I ended up signing up for a permaculture design course in the north of Portugal, where I currently am.
On the surface, and maybe on Instagram, my life is seemingly falling into place.
The other day though, while driving down a long stretch of road, I felt an incredible wave of loneliness overcome me. Though I had been waking up in the most beautiful places, exploring old Moorish castles, hiking through running rivers, and loving on the cutest animals, I felt an intense longing to share this chapter of my life with at least one other wanderer. I yelped out loud in between tears to no one in particular, “I don’t want to do this alone.”
I let myself have a pity party for a while and then I reminded myself WHY I was going on this journey. That’s when I had a thought, I would rather be temporarily lonely, and get to wake up in beautiful places while also getting the opportunity to explore my interests than go back to my life in Berlin having more frequent social interactions but those that were often misaligned to my soul.
A big part of why I wanted to go on this journey was so I could meet like-minded souls, souls who had wandered off “the path” and had been curiously carving out their own.
The Feeling of Home
A few days ago, I arrived to the farm where the permaculture course would be taking place, and I felt immediately at home. There are 16 souls here, from all over the world, who are keen on disrupting the “norm” and becoming more in sync with nature. And not surprisingly many arrived in their vans.
When the teacher’s assistant was giving me a tour of the compost toilets, he proclaimed that those were only for poo and that we were to pee outside on the land. That might have terrified others, but I immediately felt my nervous system relax. I LOVE peeing outside. Not only do I have free rein to mark my territory wherever I fancy, but there is also an outdoor shower. I know I said I loved peeing outside but there is NOTHING better than showering while birds are chirping happily around you and the breeze is breezing over your most tender parts.
To top it off, every single person I’ve had a chat with since being here has been super open, warm-hearted and… curious. From one day to the next, I went from feeling completely alone in the world to feeling like I found a group of souls I could resonate deeply with, those who, like me, seek the company of animals and nature instead of highly stimulating, highly populated events - which is probably why I don’t come across groups of them very often. LOL.
For two weeks though we will be together learning about sustainable farming techniques, designing our dream permaculture projects, and giving each other knowing nods while passing each other on the way to the compost toilet.
Loneliness is a wave. It ebbs and flows. But as long as you keep following what lights you up, a like-minded soul will never be that far away.
How do you move through the feeling of loneliness?
Whom Will You Nourish Today?
Have you ever had a parent thoughtfully prepare your favorite dish so that when you get off the plane you’re travel-induced hunger pangs quickly subside?
Or a best friend invite you over for a spontaneous lunch taking special care not to include any of the ingredients you have intolerances to?
Or a thoughtful lover prepare you a wholesome breakfast along with fresh squeezed orange juice while you gently awaken?
When you nourish someone you aren’t just providing their body energy for the day, to help make sure they are prepared to navigate the hardships that life sometimes brings, you are nourishing their spirit.
You’re subconsciously saying '“Hey, you aren’t alone. I’m here with you. I know that life is heavy and that sometimes the news brings you to tears. I know that sometimes you feel an overwhelming responsibility to help others who have been dealt a less than favorable hand in life and that you feel guilty when you are brought to joy or laughter by a blooming flower or a silly animal companion. But your cells, muscles, and organs need love too. Here, my love, eat.”
To volunteer to go into an active war zone - I don’t know what kind of courage that takes. I can’t even bring myself to share the atrocities on my social media accounts without overthinking about what pain it might cause someone, or what judgments I might receive. But to enter an active war zone with the intent of nourishing the bodies of civilians who have had everything taken away from them; their safety, their autonomy, their livelihood, their loved ones, their cultural identity, and even their dignity, and then to be targeted, to be decimated, to be robbed of the ability to nourish the hearts, minds, and bodies of friends and family forever more, well it it unfathomable.
It brings me to tears. I know the tears will eventually stop but the pain, the pain of being human, of witnessing a genocide unfolding in real time will linger. And yet through the ache in my heart, I will try to remember to simultaneously appreciate all the beauty that surrounds me, like the abundance of wildflowers greeting me on my morning walk, the warm Algarve sun kissing my cheekbones, and the spiced Moroccan coffee I will soon brew for myself when I return home.
Later, I will nourish my body with vegetables from the garden and I will say a silent prayer for those who do have access to such necessities. I will gratefully toast to all the friends, family, and lovers who have lovingly nourished me when I could not nourish myself and I will vow to do the same to whomever I can, whenever I next get the chance.
Whom will you nourish today?
Give More Grace
A few months ago I bought a minivan complete with a built-in bed and set off on the adventure of my life. Most people go on adventures like this with a partner or a friend, but for some reason, I felt the urge to do this solo.
I’m rarely scared. I get to wake up to beautiful views or fall asleep to the crashing of waves. But there are still a lot of things I don’t know or understand about life on the road.
Since I am always driving through a new city, I am never in my comfort zone. Which means sometimes I drive too slow or I miss important turns. I try to pull to the side of the road when someone is tailing me so that they can pass. Sometimes, though, I get honked at.
I’m not going to lie, it does sting. I’m doing my best, here, doesn’t anyone realize how difficult it is to navigate through unfamiliar territory?
Yesterday though, I am guilty of exerting the same holier-than-thou behavior. I was feeling pretty confident with my roundabout maneuvers, had to pee very badly, and was only 15 minutes away from where I was going to sleep for the night. I was antsy and ready to walk around after having been in the car for several hours. And I got stuck behind a very slow car.
My first thought was…COME ON, VAMOSSSSS.
But then I saw the sign on the back of a car mentioning that the driver was just learning.
Tears immediately welled up in my eyes. This person was learning a new skill and needed some grace.
Learning a new skill, venturing off on a trip solo, driving through foreign countries, and stepping out of your comfort zone is NEVER easy. But it is the foundation of a happy, fulfilling life. How boring would it be if you just did things you always did, hung out with people you always hung out with, and ate the same things you always ate? Variety is the spice of life and contrast is what makes life beautiful.
It takes courage to live a contrasting life though because it means sometimes you are going to have to pee in a jar, get honked at by impatient drivers, or risk failing, falling, or having to ask for help. Let’s try to give the newbs a little grace (ourselves included). If you are a pro at something, use it as an opportunity to mentor or help someone who is just starting. If you don’t have the time or patience, might I suggest you just leave them alone as they stumble through this thing called life?
We are all living these lives in these bodies for the first time. Let’s give each other and ourselves grace as we maneuver through the world. Or maybe we should all just wear stickers that say “First time living this life, please be kind” as a gentle reminder. Anyone wanna print some up? :)
Are you good at giving others grace? Are you good at giving yourself grace? Why or why not?
How's Your He(art) today? ❤️
I've been stuck in a rut.
Not physically. Physically I am in a village outside of Barcelona and absolutely loving my wandering life. After my Morocco venture ended, I picked up Jean Genie, my 2006 Citroen minivan and be-bopped my way to a converted barn in the French Pyrenees to hang out with Moka, an adorable dog, for a few weeks.
And a few days ago, I began moving south to Spain. Follow the sun is my new life motto, and has so far been working out beautifully…
Except for that rut I mentioned…
The Writing Rut
You see, I have all these things I want to say about living an alternative lifestyle and exiting the matrix — the challenges you’ll face, the mindset shifts that will have to happen first, and the endless rewards that come once you start making steps towards your reality — but every time I write I feel like I’m turning a blinds eye to the atrocities going on around the world. I feel myself comparing my journey with those who are literally starving or no longer have a home due to conflict and suddenly what I have to say doesn’t seem that important.
As an attempt to dull my racing thoughts the other day, I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and came across a profile I had recently started following called @motherwortandrose - and like a beacon of hope there was a post with the following quotes in succession:
““Part of being a revolutionary is creating a vision that is more humane. That is more fun, too. That is more loving. It’s really working to create something beautiful. “”
““You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time.””
““In the midst of death, art requires a distinct and mystical courage. An audacity that says not only do I have a right to exist, but I believe my existence will add to the fabric of the universe. I will make.””
Upon reading the quotes I started to cry.
If you, too, feel overwhelmed with sadness when you watch the news. If you feel hopeless and like nothing really matters, I want you to re-read those quotes again. And then I want you to create. I want you to transmute your sadness, your confusion, and your pain into art. And then I want you to share it with someone you love.
Your art may look like a creamy ass casserole, and sharing it might mean showing up on your neighbor’s doorstep with a steamy plate of goodness. Your art may be a messy collage with newspaper clippings, old photographs of you as a kid, and stick glue and sharing it might look like sending a screenshot to your bestie (see the collage I sent to my bestie above, LOL). Wherever your heart is, whatever your art is, I want you to create.
We are complex creatures that are capable of holding many feelings at the same time; terror and joy, wonder and disgust, compassion and disdain. In these trying times, be careful not to numb out too long on Instagram or Netflix, but be more careful not to deny yourself the pleasures of being in a human body. That includes creating art and thus creating a more beautiful world in the process.
The world needs a reason to smile right now and your art just might be a reason to do so.
Are you creating as much as you wished you were? Why or why not?
Does Sharing Your Values and Beliefs Feel Scary? Read this.
I follow someone on social media who is slightly younger than me but on a similar life journey as me. Sometimes she posts stuff, usually quotes or passages from a book, and my first response is to cringe (even when I’ve read most of the same books and love the quotes she shares.)
How could she make herself look so….vulnerable? Why doesn’t she just keep it to herself?
When this happened recently though I stopped myself. Since everyone you don’t like is supposedly mirroring something you don’t like about yourself, I decided to investigate deeper. Upon doing so I realized that I was jealous that she dared to share her values and beliefs with her followers. Once I realized what I had been doing, I asked the universe to give me the courage to start sharing my values more openly.
A week prior, I had received inspiration to create a survey and ask my social media followers to answer a survey about a topic I am very passionate about, exciting the matrix/status quo, but I hadn’t done anything with it yet. This was my time to tell the universe I was ready.
Once created, I easily shared the survey on LinkedIn (I don’t know why but I am so detached from that platform. I don’t care at all who reads my posts there and therefore it is super easy to share whatever.) I waited a few minutes and then decided to post on Facebook. Also fairly easy.
I then closed my MacBook and went for a hike, I didn’t want to see who did or didn’t respond. I wanted to enjoy the French Pyrenees while I had them outside of my door. A little while later my BFF texted me and said, “Share your survey on Instagram, tag me and I’ll share it.” I immediately wrote back, but I’m shyyyyyyy. ok, I’ll do it!
I didn’t linger in worry too long though because folks started submitting their answers to my survey and I felt an instant rejuvenation to keep sharing my beliefs more openly. I am so grateful to have BFFs who regularly light a fire under me and encourage me to step consistently out of my comfort zone.
I learned a very valuable lesson through this experience, one that I am about to share now…
As soon as you start living your values (not just talking about them), you are telling the universe that you are ready for the abundance you are about to receive.
Case in point - I recently had a call with a project in Portugal, an eco-village outside of Faro that’s been on my radar for a while. The call was to discuss a potential work/trade. In exchange for helping them with their marketing outreach for a few months, I would receive a deed to a parcel of land….in freaking Portugal…in a freaking Eco Village.
It’s not a done deal yet, but I am convinced it will go through, and also that I’m worth receiving it.
I am not telling you this as an adult version of one-upping you. Nor am I typing this whilst sticking my tongue out and mumbling “nanny, nanny, nanny.” I am merely suggesting that when you take a bold leap and start LIVING your values (not just talking about them), when you start taking actual tangible steps towards realizing your dreams, and when you take risks, BIG risks, the universe delivers an opportunity seemingly overnight that will prove just how magical and creative of a being you truly are. You see I am a BIG fan of work/trade and it’s one of the principles I want to discuss in the book because it’s the easiest way I know to start building a freelance portfolio when you don’t have a lot of experience and also the most fun way to say F-U to the man. But I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be possible to trade my marketing services for land. Until now.
That’s the Universe’s way of one-upping me, I guess. Well played, universe, well played.
Are you afraid of sharing your beliefs? Do you cringe when others do it? Have you ever thought about WHY?
Note to Self: Group Tours Suck But Be Gentle With Your Fellow Sheep Anyway
I’ve been in Morocco for the last 2.5 weeks and I’ve loved almost every second of it; the sea, the surf, the beach camels, the fruit smoothies, the ridiculously cheap prices, and the smiles of the warm people.
Today, though I was annoyed.
You see I booked a group tour to hike through Paradise Valley, an oasis in the middle of the desert. I don’t typically like group tours because I like to go with my rhythm and absolutely abhor being shuffled around in a herd of sheep. But Paradise Valley was an hour away and to get there by public transport was pretty much out of the question. I could take an illegal taxi there and hope that there was a normal taxi coming back that I could jump in. Otherwise, it would be a five-hour walk. Yikes!
Needless to say, I opted for the tour. So this morning I met outside of the pharmacy and waited for the shuffle shuttle bus to pick me up. By the time we arrived at the trailhead though, I was already hungry. I brought my usual snacks; nuts, hardboiled egg, and banana but it wasn’t enough. I felt hanger rising. I tried to distract myself with a quick pace and ended up taking the lead.
At one point the tour guide ran up to me and said “Slow down sister, we have old people with us.” I boiled inside. I wanted to MOVE. Not to mention I’d had a Moroccan coffee before hopping on the shuttle so I was more than amped up.
We finally arrived at the 7-meter plunge where several brave souls stripped down to their swimsuits and jumped in. I’d also worn mine underneath but the water was frigid, the sky was cloudy, and I didn’t feel like being cold afterward, so I just watched the others splash in and struggle to get out quick enough.
On the way back, I started to salivate thinking about the chicken couscous I would order when I got dropped off. Much to my dismay, however, the group was shuffled once again to a small restaurant where they treated us to some Moroccan tea. By this point, I was STARVING.
One guy from my group had arrived a few minutes before everyone else and had ordered himself some lunch. I was jealous. Why didn’t I think of that? Now it was too late.
We finished our tea and began our ascent back to the van. When we arrived I noticed the gentleman who’d ordered himself some lunch wasn’t there. As time passed, I grew more agitated. I overheard a couple next to me say that he had wanted to go for a swim after lunch.
As you can imagine, some dark thoughts started to dance in my head: Are you SERIOUS? First, he orders himself lunch while the rest of us sustain on thyme tea and hard cookies and then he makes everyone wait on him while he takes a dip in the pool. How rude!!
I tried to keep myself from spiraling even further and just busied myself with my Tetris app and just hoped that this misery would end soon. Never again I told myself as I cleared another row.
And then he finally appeared. He had water dripping from his head and he looked frantic. He gets on the bus and makes an announcement before sitting down:
“First of all, I want to say thank you for waiting for me. I wanted to explain why I was late. A few years ago I lost a friend of mine while jumping off that cliff and for my psyche I have come to do two things, 1: watch others jump off the cliff and 2. jump off myself. When I saw a few of you jumping earlier, I was triggered and I had to leave. I knew I couldn’t leave without jumping myself so when you all walked back to the car, I jumped.”
“Oh my god! “I said from the back of the bus. A few others on the bus piped up in unison: “I am so sorry for your loss.”
He sat down and we all drove back. But I couldn’t get what he said out of my head.
Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t help but think about how brave he was to have come here and make that leap. I also couldn’t help but put myself in his shoes. A good friend of mine had just visited me. If that had happened to her I would have been destroyed forever.
There are many morals to my story but here are my key takeaways:
You never really know what someone is going through. Be gentle with each other. Even if you never get clarity around someone’s behavior, we all deserve grace.
Live life to the fullest always even if you have fear. I wrote a poem about that recently. Read it here.
Love your loved ones hard. Tell them you love them all the time.
Bring more snacks than you think you’ll need, or just bring a whole damn lunch. I read a quote recently that pretty much said; “if you hate everyone around you, eat. If you think everyone around you hates you, take a nap.” I love it and think about it often.
What was YOUR key takeaway from my story? I’d love to hear about it.
So You Wanna Be a Published Author? Here are 5 Key Things You Should Know
Skill Swapping
If you know me you know I love work trade and skill swapping.
That’s why when I saw a post pop up on a Skill Swap group on Facebook from a woman who was looking for someone to audit her website and give helpful feedback from a design perspective - I got excited! In exchange, she would dole advice about becoming a published author because she had gone through the process herself.
I’d been wanting someone I could talk to about the publishing world for some time because the path towards being published can be a daunting one. Because I’m a web designer who audits sites for a living, I reached out. She agreed to a meeting and the next day we scheduled an initial Zoom introduction.
At least that’s what I thought.
What ended up occurring was much more valuable than a meet and greet. During our 20 minutes together, she gave me a LOT of practical advice about not only getting published but also writing in general.
Here Were My Key Takeaways From My Brief Meeting With a Published Author
1/ If you find yourself waffling, or your brain is moving in lots of directions during your writing time, change up the medium.
Instead of click-clacking away at a laptop, pull out your trusty notepad and pen and write by hand instead. Your thoughts and ideas will become more clear when you are forced to slow down.
2/ If you are a nonfiction writer, don’t spend time writing a full manuscript.
Instead, focus on writing a great proposal and then reaching out to potential agents or publishers. Nonfiction agents will likely want to guide you during the writing process. If you submit a full manuscript there’s a good chance they will want to make lots of edits or tell you to rewrite completely. Save yourself the trouble!
3/ Allocate ample time to get samples of your writing published in various journals and media outlets.
Once your work is published on several sites you can submit these links along with your proposal when reaching out to agents. Or, in the case of the published author I spoke with, they might even reach out to you about writing and publishing a book.
4/ Network with the right people.
Getting published is highly dependent upon being in the right place at the right time…and on the connections you have. Increase your luck of being seen by making sure to follow publishers on social media platforms, interact with their content, and share links to your published articles on your platforms.
5/ Don’t expect to get rich.
Even if you do get signed, your publisher might ask for things such as additional pictures that you might have to pay out of pocket to obtain, for example. This can cut into your bottom line.
I have to be honest. Sometimes I wonder if my skin is tough enough to go through this process. I wonder if I have what it takes to stick it out until the end and not take all the rejection personally. And then sometimes the universe throws me a bone and says, keep going you got this. The meeting with a published author was my latest bone and I hope this blog post is YOUR bone.
As you go forth and navigate the publishing world, I recommend connecting with your why as often as possible. Ask yourself: Why do I want these ideas to spread? How do I want people’s lives to change after engaging with this content? Then print your answers on a big sheet of paper and hang it on your wall. That way when you do face rejection, you’ll be able to swiftly get back on that horse and try, try again.
Are you on the path of getting published? What do you find is your biggest challenge?
Sing Even When Your Voice Shakes
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
This quote came up on my meditation app the other night and I immediately opened my to-do list app to jot it down. It reminded me of an Instagram story I posted recently, a clip of me singing The Cure’s, Friday I’m In Love song, and I wanted to make sure I remembered to write a blog post about it later.
This is that post.
On that fateful night, my roommates were out of town and I was looking forward to getting cozy and enjoying the empty house. Not wanting to fill my brain with frivolous noise, I opted to strum on my ukulele instead of scrolling through YouTube or bingeing Netflix. We’d recently learned Friday I’m In Love in my weekly ukulele class so I decided to practice that one.
After a few times singing it through, I noticed my voice began to align snugly to the notes and I was shocked at what I was hearing. Not only did the voice sound good, but I couldn’t help but feel like something deep inside of me, something that had been longing to get out for years, had suddenly been given the space to come through. It was magical. I quickly put my ukulele to the side and ran to get my phone.
“I need to record this,” I said out loud to an empty living room.
I recorded a few takes and smiled wider as I replayed them back.
When I was about 11 or so, my dad bought me a karaoke machine for my birthday. It was the early 2000s so the setup was minimal. There was no fancy screen with scrolling lyrics, just a janky microphone attached to a small boom box. I had to read the lyrics off of the pamphlet as the lyricless song played in the background. One evening after all the lights in the house had been turned off, I felt an impulse to sing to my heart’s desire. Knowing it was too late to fire up my karaoke machine, I grabbed my miniature tape recorder instead and began recording myself belting out a tune I had made up moments before. After a few minutes or so I began to get into my solo jam session. I replayed my song and felt proud of the progress.
The joy didn’t last long, however. A few seconds later I heard my sister yell “Shut up, you can’t sing” from her adjacent room. Though our doors were both closed, we did share a thin wall. Had I known the wall was so thin, I definitely wouldn’t have been singing as fiercely as I had been, nor would I have been replaying that song over and over.
Shame filled my prepubescent heart and tears welled in my eyes. I would never have another solo jam session again - at least when my sister was around.
I don’t blame my sister. To be fair, I probably did suck, it was late, and we likely both had school the next day. But her words chipped away at my confidence especially when it came to expressing myself musically.
She’s not the only one to chip away at my confidence over the years. In third grade, I auditioned with my two best friends to sing a song at a school assembly. They both got chosen and I did not. This seemingly small action contributed to the burying of my voice and the expression of my soul’s song.
I am just now beginning to discover the impact that this self-burial has had on how I take up space in the world. Take my profession for example. For a living, I ghostwrite social media posts for authors when behind the curtain I struggle to share my writing and step fully into my role as writer.
Who really cares?
No one reads anymore.
There are hundreds of other people who have already said what you are saying - save your energy.
These are just a few things that run through my head when I think about sharing a piece of writing. But like the aforementioned quote gently reminded me, a bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
This quote is a great reminder that you don’t need a reason to express yourself. You don’t even need to be that good at it. But if there is a song in your heart or a story itching to get told, it needs to be sung sooner rather than later.
And so sing I did. And I didn’t just sing the song, I also made the very brave decision to share it with my Instagram followers. And I’m not going to lie, I was NERVOUS. I was terrified that people would think I was crazy or that I had misjudged my talents much like I had done two decades before. But the exact opposite thing happened. I got so much love from people which helped reinforce the confidence I have been slowly building over the years, the confidence to express myself and step out from behind the curtain.
As we move into 2024 I want to express myself more and I want to encourage anyone who reads this to do the very same. Sing what’s in your soul even if you don’t have all the answers. Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not on brand, or you are afraid people will think you are nuts. Sure some might, but you’ll likely also be giving someone the courage to step outside their comfort zone.
And think about how much more joyful the world would be if all did that regularly!!
Do you feel comfortable sharing your creations with the world? Why or why not?
4 Key Takeaways from Sorelle Amore's Creative Genius Workshop
Last night I blabbed for 20 minutes about the member areas feature on Squarespace.
My audience? 182 of Sorelle Amore’s followers who were hoping to tap into their creative genius and learn to monetize their superpowers. Not only was I excited to share my over ten years of Squarespace knowledge but I was also eager to gain some insights from this inspirational woman who has managed to grow a successful business that allows her to travel the world and connect with other awesome free humans.
Here were my key takeaways from the 1.5-hour-long presentation
Don’t chase trends. It’s easy to look at someone who is doing something unique like Sean Evans who interviews celebrities as they eat increasingly spicy chicken wings on his YouTube channel, and want to mimic him. I mean he’s got 13 million followers! But what works for one likely won’t work for another. And if it does it won’t be sustainable because part of what brings success is tapping into your unique creative genius which includes regularly pivoting as new life experiences and interests come up.
To discover your creative genius: first, write out a list of activities that make you lose track of time, next, list out specific skills or qualifications you have, and finally, ask your closest friends and family members what your five best qualities are. You can also write down any advice that people usually come to you for.
To help you start generating a following, and building credibility in your space, reach out to online communities such as Facebook groups. Spend some time in the comments responding to other people’s inquiries. Get a feel for what this community needs or a problem that they are trying to solve. That will lead you to a potential offering and if you become an active participant in the group you might even have a built-in audience when it’s time to launch.
Pivoting is ok and encouraged! This was a big aha moment for me. For a while, I have been cautious about sharing new projects or insights on my Instagram, Blog, Newsletter, and LinkedIn profile because 1/ I didn’t want to pigeonhole myself and then get bored of the topic and 2/ I didn’t want to confuse my followers. Every expert marketer will tell you to dial into your niche and deliver content that speaks directly to them. But I have so many interests, hobbies, and skills! It feels like a daunting task. I loved Sorelle’s example. She started as the selfie queen. She made self-portraiture her creative genius and ran with it. But now she doesn’t align with it the same way so she is pivoting in another direction. Sure you might lose people along the way, but you’ll also gain some too. Don’t let the fear of confusing people or losing followers prevent you from pivoting toward a direction that is more aligned with who you are right this moment.
That’s it for now! But I feel like that will give you enough to chew on for a while :)
What is your creative genius? How do you plan to monetize it?
I've Never Identified as an Artist
I’ve never identified as an artist.
To me, an artist was someone who was hopelessly cool, mysterious, and even sexy but also had a melancholic sadness to them. I thought that if someone pronounced themselves as an artist and felt compelled to share their art with the world they were also probably a tad bit vain. The audacity to think that THEIR scribbles, songs, or splatters were more important than anything else happening in the world. As if!
“Self-expression is about what it feels to live, not whether you had the right to claim any emotion at any time.”
But what I am realizing now is that those are limiting beliefs. The audacity to claim your space and title as an artist is exactly how you get defined as one. Why would anyone want to claim their title as an artist? Well, that’s a whole other topic, but for one it gives others permission to explore their own creativity. And two, it gives you an opportunity to be seen by and connected to others who have walked or who want to walk similar paths.
The other day I rode my bike 45 minutes in the drizzle to attend a creative writing workshop. Fed up with the strict curriculum of her therapeutic writing courses, the facilitator decided to develop her own method by fusing therapeutic methods with creative writing methods. During the session, we were prompted to write several things but one exercise that stood out to me was that we had to make a list of 100 limiting beliefs or insults related to our artistic ability that we’ve absorbed over the years.
I’m not going to lie, it was tough for me. What I realized at that moment is that I’ve had a lot of support for my writing over the years. My last long-term partner for example told me I was a beautiful writer and was forever encouraging me to do more with it. Once a dear friend of mine said “I would read anything you wrote.” I also know my writing has been impactful- a friend of a friend even moved to Berlin because she had been reading my newsletter which had planted a seed for her to begin her own Euro journey. I’ve been published several times by a popular blog in Berlin, an online feminist magazine, and a local periodical in Tucson. I even read one of my essays about my breakup with my menstrual cup to a room full of strangers and delivered a very personal story onstage about an actual breakup to another room of complete strangers. And soon an oracle deck that I wrote and designed will be published by a Publishing House in Tucson.
But still, I didn’t consider myself an artist.
When people ask me what I do I usually say “web designer, content marketing consultant” in that order. I don’t know when I started this but it’s definitely a habit. And it’s definitely not sexy. No one usually asks follow-up questions, instead segueing into a comment about the weather or how long I’ve been living in Berlin.
After writing down my list of 100 limiting beliefs or insults, we were prompted to circle any patterns we noticed. Three insults I’d circled happened to come from my past three partners/lovers. And they all had to do with their attraction to women who had claimed their title as an artist.
The first sting
My partner whom I’d been with for 6 years and had amicably split ways with, was excitedly telling me about his new girlfriend. “And she’s an artist! She makes puppets.” His eyes lit up as if he had won the lottery. He had his own aspirations of selling his insurance business and becoming a recluse painter one day and he probably hoped she would inspire him to pivot in that direction. Still, it stung.
The next sting
When the rebound lover I started seeing after my long relationship ended told me he’d been dating someone else, a photographer, the familiar sting stung my heart. But not because he was seeing other people. We were in an open relationship. My heart stung because he said, “I’m just excited to spend time with someone who actually makes a living off their art”. Never mind that I had just been signed by a publisher who would soon publish a desert animal oracle deck I had written and designed or that I had my own content marketing business that allowed me to travel the world and work when I wanted.
The most recent sting
The last and final sting came when my most recent lover and friend, a street performer who really did make a living (albeit a meager one) from his flutist skills, and I were having a video chat while I was in Costa Rica. He asked if I’d met anyone and I confessed that I had been casually seeing my surf instructor. A smirk lit up his face, “I can’t lie, I am curious, but I won’t ask any questions.” A few moments later he dropped the bomb, he too had met someone, a young supple artist who sold her drawings on the street. It didn’t sting because he’d mentioned her being young or supple. I may be 36 and not nearly as supple as I was when I was 24 but I love my body very much. What hurt the most was that yet another lover had mentioned how wonderful it was to be with an artist, thus implying that I wasn’t one.
To be honest, I don’t know why these subtle stings stung so much. I don’t believe they were said maliciously. But for some reason, I had been holding onto the pain they caused me. When I realized the connection during the workshop, my eyes began to tear up. The only person stopping me from being an artist was me.
I walked out of that workshop with a new identity. One that I’ve secretly been waiting to claim my whole life. The truth is I have always been an artist, my life a painting. And anyone who I choose to spend time with is a new color on my canvas. I leave space in my day for spontaneous walks in the park. I dance in the grocery store, the stairwell, and while waiting for the train. I tell my friends I love them frequently and make sure to give a good head scratch to any dogs I encounter throughout the day. I nourish my body with colorful foods and find joy in learning new things, like how to DJ, pick the ukulele, or speak Spanish.
And I write. Sure, sometimes I write LinkedIn posts for my clients so I can pay bills or personal essays for my blog because it helps with SEO, but I also scribble beautiful musings in my journals when I wake up in the middle of the night, songs on my ukulele to celebrate the loves in my life, silly children’s books for my niece and nephews, and random stories on the notes app in my phone when I am out walking in nature and inspiration hits.
And one day I will be a published author. Perhaps with a partner by my side whose eyes light up when they tell their friends they’re dating an artist, someone who makes a living off her art. But until then, I’ll practice what it feels like to embody this new identity. For starters, when someone asks me what I do for a living from now on, I am going to casually reply “I’m a writer, how about you?”
Do you consider yourself an artist? Why or why not?
Answer These Questions to Determine What You Want in Life
While friends and former partners are marrying and/or starting families, I’ve been busy riding roller coasters and pretending to be a T-rex at a Polish supermarket appropriately named “Dino”. For anyone who was wondering, it was a scavenger hunt put together for a friend’s birthday weekend, and boy was it fun. Turns out you don’t need to birth children to partake in ridiculous affairs.
Next year - the fun doesn’t stop. In January I have plans to surf in Morocco, hike the Pyrenees, and start exploring the South of Spain in my minivan.
As exciting as my life is, every now and then doubt creeps in, usually after seeing a cute photo of a friend’s baby swaddled like a sausage on Instagram. Or when another friend sends me a photo of the king-size bed she and her partner just purchased. “Cozy,” I respond. Deep down I’m thinking “Sure beats the 70 euro piece of foam I just purchased for my van on Amazon.”
Am I really where I want to be?
Am I really creating the life of my dreams and enjoying the unfolding of it all?
Am I laying the groundwork for who I want to be in five years?
Before I completed the exercise I will soon share below, I wasn’t sure what I wanted from life. Sometimes I felt like living an adventurous life for the rest of my life and sometimes it sounds nice to settle down, raise a little family, and sleep in a ridiculously giant bed with animals snuggled around. What was I to do? Well, I did what anyone going through an existential crisis might do and I enlisted the help of the internet. I Googled something like, “how to know what you want in life”.
That’s when I found a list of questions and spent some time answering them thoughtfully. Afterward, I understood that yes, I am headed in a good direction. I am excited about life on the road and spending time in a climate where the sun is not an anomaly. The exercise helped me get clear about the kind of life I want for myself and validated some of the recent actions I’ve taken to achieve those things. In other words, I am indeed laying the groundwork for a more fulfilled future me. Yippee!
If you have been comparing yourself to others, feeling stuck in life, or unsure about what you want to prioritize in the new year, I highly recommend taking some time for yourself to answer the following questions. Not only will it help you figure out what you want in life but it will also help you determine whether or not your current habits are supporting your ideal future you.
Questions to Determine What You Want In Life
What makes me happy?
What are my needs? Physical, emotional, financial
What are my personal values? Factor in money, travel, hobbies/interests, animals, mental and physical health, time allocation, consistency, communication style
What gives me purpose?
What activities put me in a flow state?
What would I do if there were no limits? Think about the following…
What would I rather be doing?
Who do I want to spend my time with?
Who do I want to help?
Am I in the right location to do what I want to do?
What am I willing to sacrifice to achieve my goal?
How do I define a “good life?”
Who do I admire or get jealous of?
How do I envision the patterns of my life?
What don’t I want?
What drains me mentally and emotionally
What makes me sad
What causes me pain
What are my greatest accomplishments in life?
Since I’ve answered these questions, I’ve also started creating secret boards on Pinterest of homes, clothes, and places labeled “future me”. It’s a virtual vision board that will help me visualize and hopefully manifest some of the goals I’ve yet to attain. If you are serious about making the most out of life, I HIGHLY recommend you do the same!
Are you a curious misfit who wants tips on how exit the matrix? Sign up to receive my Substack newsletter.
Yesterday I Was Happy, Today I Am Successful
Every so often I give myself a hard time. I make myself feel bad about not developing enough sellable skills that will make me more successful in the eyes of capitalism or spending all my money on plane tickets. Or I beat myself up about not having a 401k, a Master’s degree, or an age-appropriate wardrobe.
But today - today I feel successful. Let me tell you why.
After walking an hour towards a secret beach, I had to turn around and walk back in the same direction. The final twenty minutes of the journey happened to be alongside a swampy river I deemed “Crocodile Soup River” for its ominous overgrowth and precarious nature - and I just didn’t feel safe enough to venture onward. When I finally reached the main pathway to Quepos, a no-frills working-class city outside of the touristic zone and national park, I decided to take a break and sat down on a concrete bench overlooking the beach. I was on the second day of my period and bleeding quite heavily. In fact, I had already bled through my jean shorts. Normally I take it easy on the first few days of my flow for this exact reason but alas, I was in Costa Rica and wanted to explore every nook and cranny while I could (except for maybe the Crock Soup River.)
As I sat there and looked out at the horizon, I began to contemplate my life and felt overcome with happiness at the dream I had made a reality. I had been fantasizing about coming to Costa Rica for a while and in true Nicole fashion I could not just go for one or two weeks. I had to stay there for at least a month so I could feel like I truly lived there. And oh how much fun I had already been having just one week in.
Just as I began to scribble my happy thoughts in my journal, however, two adolescent girls, probably 11 or 12 sat down right next to me. I found it odd considering the bench directly next to us was completely empty. But then, I realized that they were actually acting very nervous. They were constantly glancing towards the right and then talking rapidly to one another.
I sensed their nervousness and said, “Are you ok?” They responded, in Spanish, that they didn’t speak any English. With my little knowledge of Spanish, I gathered that they were trying to hide from the man in a blue shirt, who happened to be sitting several benches down. My mama bear instinct kicked in and I quickly pulled out my translator app out and typed out, “Do you need me to walk you somewhere?”
“No, we are waiting for our ride,” one of the girls mentioned. At least that’s what I understood. Then one of them received a phone call and I inferred that their ride was close by. A few minutes later they stood up to leave and they said goodbye. I made eye contact and blew them an affirmative kiss. Though we couldn’t speak the same language they seemed to understand that I was telling them to be safe.
I already had plans to go to dinner so I stood up after them. That’s when I saw a man in a blue shirt a few benches down also stand up and begin following them from a distance.
So I did what any mama bear would do and I began to follow the man in the blue shirt who was following the girls. Though he was creepy I didn’t feel afraid of him. I could have easily kicked him in the nutsack and been on my merry way. My priority was on making sure the girls got to wherever they were going.
I had my phone clutched in my right hand as I sauntered slowly behind the blue-shirt man. Though my battery was low and I had no idea what the emergency hotline was in Costa Rica, I felt safe with my phone clutched tightly. I guess the blue shirt man started to suspect I was following him and perhaps he thought I was calling for backup. I didn’t want any trouble so I quickly crossed the street, my eye still on the girls far in front of me. The man glanced at me several times before stopping completely and sitting on a concrete slab in front of the bus station.
The girls were far enough ahead that I felt confident enough to let them continue on their own. I tucked away into the restaurant and let myself process what just happened.
What just happened is that two young girls, who could have been my children had I chosen to have them at a young age, felt that I was a safe haven for them, a place where they could seek shelter from a creepy man. And I must say I felt rather accomplished with this awareness.
Sure I don’t own a house. Every cent I save goes to fund my next adventure. I’ve been called every version of cheap you can imagine but I’ve seen more countries in the last year than most Americans will see in their entire lives. I also don’t have a family of my own. I never really wanted kids in my 20s because I was afraid they’d interfere with my nomadic lifestyle. A few years ago, however, like many women in their late thirties, I began wondering if I should have children. When my long-term partnership ended last year, I had to come to terms with the fact that I may never become a mom. And I’m not going to lie, it makes me sad sometimes, but I think that’s only because I haven’t heard of many (or any) women in their late thirties, or early forties who are living amazing lives, who are thriving, are fit and glowing and feeling fulfilled - and don’t have children.
But what I learned today is that though I am not a mom of my own kids, I can be a mom to the world. I can be a safe haven for anyone who needs reprieve at the moment. I can be that for others because I have learned to be that for myself. Traveling the world has built a kind of inner resilience and strength that is hard to come by otherwise. So while I may not own a house or have a pension, I know how to get myself and others out of some precarious situations, like avoiding becoming a Crocodile’s soufflé of the day or um, getting kidnapped.
I also know how to live.
Yesterday I hiked to several beaches before landing at one that was straight out of a magazine. As I was laying in the sand praying that I was not bleeding through my swimsuit onto the towel I snuck from my Airbnb, these words popped into my head, “This is the happiest day of my life, I am so happy right now.”
And it was true. Pura vida.
What does success mean to you? Do you think you are successful? Why or why not?
The Perks of Solo Traveling
Being a solo traveler has its perks.
I don’t have to wait for someone to finish getting ready to leave the Airbnb. Or choose a restaurant that appeals to someone’s food sensitivities or preferences. I don’t have to wait until someone else is hungry to eat. I can go to sleep at nine if I’m tired and not have to worry about someone teasing me for being a grandma and then proceed to leave the bright lights on thus delaying my slumber.
Overall I am embracing traveling with my number one, my ride or die, my BFF - me, but I’m not going to lie, sometimes it absolutely blows. Like recently when I got charged $150 for a scratch on a rental car. and didn’t have a buddy to commiserate with. Or when I booked a surfing lesson a week in advance and then was told the day before that I’d be charged $10 more for a private lesson because no one else signed up. I canceled the lesson informing the instructor that I didn’t find it fair that I was being punished because they didn’t have enough customers. Petty, maybe, but it was the principle of the matter!
Being a solo traveler, I’m realizing, is mostly good except when it comes to splitting the costs of unexpected financial surprises, booking tours or surfing lessons, or…..sharing your experiences with someone. Sometimes I just want someone to witness my frustration and tell me everything is going to be ok. Sometimes I just want someone to give me a reassuring hug or kiss on the forehead. Sometimes I just wanna snuggle in bed for a few minutes before both of us grab our phones and get sucked into the virtual vortex. Alas, at this time in my life, I have to learn how to do those things for myself. And I think I’m doing a pretty good job. Mostly.
Yesterday though my data on my phone quit working while I was driving and I couldn’t figure out how to get to the trailhead I had chosen. At that moment I did say some of my favorite expletives and I may or may not have screamed bloody murder, but, I took care of business. Using whatever info Google Maps had already downloaded, I was able to navigate myself to another point of attraction on my list instead, the Nauyaca Waterfalls, a beautiful 2.5-mile hike to a majestic 5-tiered waterfall.
As I was hiking to the falls, I found myself appreciating the fact that this magical place and I had found each other by some small miracle, a miracle that probably wouldn’t have happened had I had a co-pilot with working internet. When I reached the falls I felt an intense wave of happiness wash over me, suddenly the words book the trip popped into my mind. When in doubt, book the trip. Don’t wait for your fantasy honeymoon. Or until your friends have time off from work. Or until your sister’s kids are grown and she can accompany you. BOOK THE TRIP. Tears filled my eyes. I was so happy that I made this dream of being in Costa Rica come true for myself.
After marveling at the gushing falls for a minute, I gleefully asked a family of three if one of them would be willing to take my picture with the waterfall as the backdrop. You see, one of the side effects of traveling solo is that you don’t have someone around who has the patience to take the perfect photo of you. One woman was making her boyfriend do a full-on photoshoot of her swimming towards the waterfall and then posing sexily on a rock in her thong bikini, her long hair cascading down like she was on a cover for Sports Illustrated. I felt bad for the boyfriend but he didn’t seem to mind.
One of the family members I asked obliged my own photoshoot request and counted down as I posed with the waterfall.
He handed the phone back and asked if it was ok. Before I even looked at the picture I replied “Perfect, thanks”. I didn’t want to inconvenience him any more than I already had or worse, make him think I was vain.
But in actuality, the picture was dorky AF. Sure I looked happy but I didn’t look cute, mysterious, or anywhere near how I WANTED to look. I attempted to take a few selfies with the timer on, but couldn’t get a good angle. Eventually, I gave up and headed back to the car.
Later that day I shared the photo on Instagram and was honest about the lengths it took to get the photo as well as the thoughts that ran through my head afterward. Because, while I am having a blast exploring Central America on my own, and am still learning to embrace the perks of solo traveling, I do really miss having a person to share these awesome experiences with.
But I guess I can be grateful that I have the internet to share it with - LOL. You’re welcome :)
I just want to make sure that I am remaining present for all of it. All the ups and all the downs. When shit doesn’t go as planned, I’m learning how to self-soothe while simultaneously navigating myself to calmer waters, and when life delivers me a majestic waterfall I’m letting myself eke out tears of joy and then pose for a stupidly dorky photo taken by a kind albeit talentless stranger.
Have you ever traveled solo? What was your experience? I’d love to hear about it.
Is Selling Digital Products Worth It? I'm About to Find Out..
I’ve recently been deep diving into the world of digital products. The course I’m taking said that everyone is an expert in something and that your target audience is whoever you were 6-24 months ago. With the help of AI, you can now create low-content digital products that help someone overcome a roadblock. Selling stuff always felt scammy to me which is why I gravitated towards content marketing because you’re sharing content and Google is doing the aggregating on your behalf. But I actually love when I’m targeted on Insta for a product or course that can improve my life - so why should I be shy about sharing my knowledge?
I’m also from the content marketing camp whose motto used to be “If you build it (and give it away for free for a few years), they will come”. I’ve been telling clients this for years and though I still stand behind the fact that if you keep showing up consistently and share valuable content on your favorite social platform or on your blog you will build a following but it’s 1. not easy to commit to a content calendar and 2. it is not quick. It can take years to build a faithful following and that’s if you’re consistent.
So now I’m looking for ways to build digital products, sell them for a low price point, and then upsell to a higher priced item (like one on one coaching for example) if the customer finds the info helpful.
But oh how I was struggling to come up with a product to create. The course said I should also pick a topic that is very interesting to me and that I have a lot to say about. I wanted to somehow tie it to Squarespace or content marketing so I could upsell these services but if I’m being honest - neither of these things exactly light me up.
So that’s when I thought about what I was dealing with 6-24 months ago.
And that’s when I remembered how hard it was for me to sleep and all the steps I took to get a good night’s rest. I wouldn’t say I’m cured because, well, insomnia isn’t linear but I feel confident that if I ever had another bout I’d be able to nip it in the bud immediately because now I have a toolkit that addresses the biological factors and the psychological.
So my first digital product is going o be either an e-book or a mini course that delivers 8 solutions to conquer your sleeplessness.
I’m still not sure how to upsell this but maybe it’s not necessary. I’m just happy to share the knowledge I have.
Why not give the e-book away for free?
Because unless you already have credibility in a space or credentials people likely won’t value your knowledge. To put it bluntly - in the church of capitalism, people value things that they spend money on.
You can still use an ebook as a way to grow your newsletter list and I might end up doing that as well, but first I will try charging a reasonable amount like $7, and then go from there.
Stay tuned for more updates on my venture into selling digital products.
If you’re interested in creating and selling digital products for your business get in touch, I’d love to share what I’ve learned so far.
What Would This Look Like If It Was Easy?
I was recently listening to a podcast interview with Tim Ferriss when he shared a question he asks himself in his journal often to help him overcome challenges - and it stuck with me. I’ll admit that when I first heard him say it, it seemed too good to be true. How could asking this question miraculously help me make sounder decisions, reduce suffering, and reach greater insights?
I can’t really explain the science behind it, but what I can say is that it works.
Here’s the question to pose the next time you are facing a challenge whether it be at work, home, or in a relationship.
What would this look like if it was easy?
Ferriss says that by asking this question, we open up the possibility of “solving” the problem simply by reframing it.
Here’s how it looks in action:
I recently went through the process of buying a van in Germany. Though I have been living here for over 8 years, I am still not super confident speaking German. I admit that I relied a little too much on my former German partner to help me with bureaucratic issues but now that we are no longer together, I am forced to navigate such challenges solo. Needless to say, I was frustrated. I couldn’t make up my mind about whether or not I should purchase a vehicle I had recently test driven.
But then I remembered to ask myself a question:
What would this look like if it was easy?
I landed on the fact that I couldn’t make a sound decision because I didn’t know enough about cars and what qualifies as a good value. I was fearful that I would end up purchasing a lemon that would eventually drain my savings. This would, however, be an easy decision if I had a friend or family member who knew about cars and could tell me what to watch out for.
I reached out to a few friends who had cars and asked their opinion. Honestly, their answers didn’t do much to help alleviate my indecision, mostly because they weren’t actually looking at the vehicle in person, only reading the same description I had.
And then, as I was walking to the train one day, I passed by a car mechanic. I followed my impulse and walked in and explained my situation (in German) to an employee there. That’s when she told me that they offer a 35-euro inspection for people looking to purchase a used vehicle. After the inspection, they would inform me of any pertinent issues the car may have so that I could make a solid decision.
I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. Upon leaving the office I texted the guy selling the car and asked if he would be willing to meet me the following day. He agreed.
The inspection came back and everything was overall ok, but I found out that the car does need some important work done before taking it on a major trip. But the good news is that I was able to negotiate the price based on the findings. Not only do I now know what needs to be repaired immediately (as well as how much it will cost) but I am also now aware of what needs to be taken care of in the following months, which gives me a better understanding of upcoming costs associated with owning the vehicle. I was able to purchase the car with a more settled feeling instead of wasting more time weighing the pros and cons of whether or not to buy it.
The next time you find yourself facing a problem or wanting to achieve a goal, ask yourself what it would look like if the decision or solution was easy. Asking yourself this question trains your mind to look for solutions, not just hone in on all the things that could go wrong. It’s likely you just need more information on the topic, which might mean you have to seek out the help of a more knowledgeable person, pay an expert for an evaluation or audit, or find someone who has had a similar challenge and ask for their advice.
There you go - I hope that helps you alleviate your next decision paralysis so that you can spend less time worrying and more time achieving your wildest dreams!
Let me know if you end up using this tip and how it ends up for you!
Breaking Up With Berlin
Last week I missed my flight accidentally on purpose back to Berlin. Accidentally because I left my passport in one of those plastic bins while going through security, something I’d never done before. On purpose because prior to my careless mishandling of a precious document, I was trying desperately to ignore a sinking feeling in my stomach about returning to a city I used to adore. I think I may have subconsciously manifested my carelessness.
Returning to Berlin used to be my favorite feeling in the world. Sure I loved the sights and sounds of visiting far-off lands but there was something so grounding about touching down in Berlin. Funnily enough, that gray and drizzly tarmac in the nation’s capital used to light me up.
Now though - returning there felt like a punishment, a reminder that I no longer belong.
For the past few months, I have been attempting to find a flat in Berlin. The process of gathering documents, renewing expired credit reports, sending applications, and attending apartment viewings with many hopeful others only to be ignored when you follow up days and weeks afterward - was not only exhausting it was demeaning.
On more than one occasion I asked myself - is this really what I want? Do I really want to live in a city that no longer feels aligned with my soul? Furthermore, does this city even want me?
When I first arrived in the city 8 years and some months ago, my heart was exploding with happiness at the endless possibilities. I loved how free I felt there, loved that my rent only cost 400 euros a month, and that the city was filled with people from all over the globe who had felt a similarly magnetic pull towards the land of techno and kebabs. I used to call Berlin a playground for adults.
Fetish clubs, peculiar art installations, dance parties that lasted for days on end, naked sunbathing at the many surrounding lakes. It seemed you could be anything you wanted to be here. And then some.
That meant that the city also attracted a lot of confused people, people who were exploring new identities and ways of life leaving them little time to be careful with their bodies or with one another’s hearts. It also meant it attracted a lot of people who took pleasure in pumping their bodies full of chemicals multiple times a week, a pastime I’d also dabbled with on occasion.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging Berlin or those who still find comfort in her arms. Without a doubt, Berlin helped shape me into the wild woman I am today. I no longer wear makeup, I panic when I can’t sort my trash, and I not only accept my body and all her flaws but I love how she carries me in the world and on the dance floor. I also have no qualms about stripping down naked in the sauna or at an FKK lake (FKK how I love thee), can furnish an entire apartment and transform my wardrobe with things collected from the street (zu verschenken, baby), dance with my whole soul whenever possible taking delight in my body’s strength, accept alternative lifestyles wholeheartedly and have become a lifelong advocate for anyone feeling othered in society.
But now - now I’ve outgrown the confines of her arms.
Instead, I long for wide open spaces, spaces that are wider than the length of Tempelhof. I long for sun on my face daily, not just a few weeks out of the year. I long for a slower lifestyle, one that supports the nourishing of my body and spirit.
And so, I think it’s time for me to break up with Berlin for good…
I’m not sure where I’ll go next, but for now, I am enjoying having clarity about the kind of life I want to live.