🙄You Take Yourself Wherever You Go
A year and a half ago I was getting over a breakup and I confessed to my German therapist that I just wanted to run away to the jungle and start a new life. It was then that she told me something that pissed me off, “well, you know you take yourself wherever you go.”
As someone who prides herself on actively listening to her inner callings, her insensitive comment rubbed me the wrong way. Who was this “educated” woman assuming I was just running away from my problems? AS IF!
Oh, Touché
A few days ago, I was in a beachside town in Nicaragua feeling lost and confused. I scoured the digital nomad sub Reddit searching for others who’d felt similarly. I found my tribe, but it didn’t do too much to alleviate the heaviness in my chest, they were digital and I needed analog. I missed friends and family that were scattered across the world. I missed a sense of belonging. I missed familiarity.
I called my mom and chatted for a while which helped. I called a friend who was planning to visit me soon and that helped too. But I still felt a lingering sadness.
That’s when my former therapist’s words echoed through my head, “You take yourself wherever you go.”
Her words suddenly clicked. If I couldn’t be happy and grateful in paradise, I’d likely always find something to mope about so I better learn how to be happy even when life isn’t familiar or comfortable.
I woke up early the next morning and decided to surf. After traipsing around town looking for a board rental shop only to come up empty-handed, I found a nice gentleman living in a hut by the beach who agreed to rent me his board. The board was pretty beaten up, had been snapped in half, and glued back together again. It looked like how I had been feeling, but I decided to trust the kind stranger, “Funciona??” He assured me it did and I went on my way.
I then proceeded to have one of the greatest sessions of my life on that board. When I went back in the evening for another session, the sun was peeking out through the clouds, its rays were reaching out from the heavens, and I was brought to tears. The pain in my chest had dissipated and all that was left was peace and bliss, pure bliss. I had been practicing how to self-soothe for the past few years and it seemed to be paying off.
A Glimpse Into My Future
Later that evening I went to a community dinner at one of the hostels in town and sat at a table with a group of expat retirees who had been living in the area off and on for years. Finding people my age while traveling can be tough because most of them are at home raising families, but I was grateful to meet these kind folks. Although older, they were kindred wandering souls who gave me a lot of insight about the surrounding area and a glimpse into what my own alternative future might look like. I walked home feeling grateful and nourished.
So yes, you do take yourself wherever you go, but it’s a whole lot easier to snap yourself out of anxious spirals if where you are somewhere that’s aligned with your soul. So if your soul is calling for the jungle, by all means, GO.