When A Natural Communicator Is Misunderstood
Lately, I’ve had some interpersonal conflicts that have left this self-proclaimed “natural communicator” walking around with a clenched jaw and a heavy chest.
I think it hits even harder when an over-thinker, over-feeler, and do-gooder like me, is misunderstood.
Me? Misunderstood? How is it possible? I literally thought about what I was going to say for an hour before we met.
One could argue that this misunderstanding (and the rest that followed) were one big illusion - I’d said what I’d said + reacted the way I did for a reason. What else is there to discuss?
But when feelings get hurt…
and bonds get broken…
and trust gets shattered… then there is actually a LOT to discuss. Especially if you want to salvage important relationships.
But this post is not about salvaging important relationships.
Or having tough conversations.
Or dealing with conflict.
It’s about showing yourself some compassion and letting shit roll off your back so it doesn’t consume your physical and mental wellbeing.
It didn’t really matter WHY the misunderstanding happened. Misunderstandings are the peanut butter to all your jelly friendships. What mattered is that I beat myself about the misunderstanding for weeks. Not intentionally, of course. Rationally I knew that things are always working out for me and that sometimes things, relationships, cycles have to come to an end in order for me to level up. But my physical body felt scared as hell.
I was fighting. And flighting. And freezing all at the same time. I was a wreck.
I had trouble falling asleep. If I did fall asleep at an appropriate time, I’d wake up in the middle of the night unable to fall back asleep. My eyes felt heavy. My chest ached. I longed for clarity and a hug. Not to mention, none of my tools were working: meditation felt like torture, yoga only helped momentarily, and journaling riled me up.
Eventually, though, I had a thought that flipped my switch and gave me the time needed to detach myself from the anxious web I’d spun - I had acted with integrity, and that is enough.
“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.
”
I had no control over the way people perceived me. But the physical pain and exhaustion I was experiencing weren’t making things any better. The only thing that would make things better would be if I showed myself some compassion.
I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I am misunderstood. And will likely keep being all those things until the day I kick the bucket for good. But if I acted with integrity, then there was no good reason to beat myself up about the way I’m perceived by others.
Easier said than done, I know. I don’t like disappointing people. I’ve never liked being in trouble or even doing things that might lead to trouble. For the most part, I keep to myself, a lone wolf who occasionally likes to laugh with her small group of tight-knit friends. I assume that people don’t want to hear the inner workings of my head or about my family or about my desires for life unless they ask. I listen more than I talk. I think a lot. A LOT.
So when a close friend or colleague misunderstands me - it cuts like a knife. But being understood isn’t the point of life. Being loving is.
If I continue to act with integrity, and show myself and others respect - then that’s all I can do.