A Few Book Recommendations...
Lately, I’ve been striking gold in the book department. Because I’m no gatekeeper, I wanted to share the titles as well as the insights I’ve gained as a result of devouring them. Let me know in the comments below if you’ve read any of these books - and how you found them!
1. When the Body Says No - The Hidden Cost of Stress by Gabor Mate
I am familiar with Mate’s work on studying individuals impacted by addiction but I had yet to dive into his other topics of expertise. And I must say…wow. This book does a great job of presenting various diseases or afflictions and connecting them to repressed emotions or stresses. When is the last time you had a doctor ask you about your past traumas, repressed emotions, or current stresses? I am not sure I ever have!! Yet there is SO much to unpack here.
And don’t think for a second that this book victim blames, quite the contrary. For me, it has empowered me to acknowledge and find healthy ways to express my emotions. Reading accounts of other people’s afflictions, and how they processed (or didn’t process) their emotions, has inspired me to start speaking my own truth even if that means making others uncomfortable.
At dinner the other night, my partner said something that triggered me. He saw I was upset but tried to change the subject so as not to ruin our meal. I blatantly said, “I am angry about this and am not ready to move on yet.” Before reading this book, I may have sulked the rest of the evening or tried to move on with the evening without fully acknowledging my anger. Instead, I was able to identify that I was angry and that I needed time and space to let it move through me. After dinner we went for a walk and talked about how to show up better for each other in the future should this happen again. It felt much healthier.
Though I am only halfway through, I have already gained a lot from this book. Not only have I been able to understand the importance of feeling and expressing my own emotions, but I am able to better understand my relatives and the afflictions that impact them as well.
2. You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Cicero
Normally I shy away from books like these - gimmicky get-rich-quick books that I usually can’t relate to. But the audiobook version was available on my Library app so I downloaded it spontaneously on my way to meet someone across town. I needed something to occupy me while scooting along on public transport.
Let’s just say the first few paragraphs were VERY relatable. Cicero recalls living a life where she always scraped by. She said she was the friend who met friends for dinner but only ordered water. She told them she wasn’t hungry but would then scarf down all the bread once it hit the table. Most of the book was a venture in how Cicero overcame her money blocks and eventually became a badass at making money.
I’ve never read a book feeling so motivated and convinced that I need a business coach. I have literally prided myself on getting by on as little as possible (I am even writing a book about how to live an epic life for less). But what I had never realized was that this identification as a “frugal person who thinks money just complicates things” was actually preventing me from racking in the dough, dough that I could use to serve others. Just because I earn money doesn’t mean I am going to run out and buy a Humvee just for the hell of it. Cicero reminds readers that money makes you MORE of who you are. And I happen to think I am a pretty great person with a big heart. So there you have it Universe, I am ready to receive the Benji’s.
I highly recommend this if you identify as a frugal person or a capitalism critic but secretly want a stash of money so you can buy that off-grid house in Costa Rica or quit your job so you can start that animal sanctuary you’ve always dreamt of.
3. Into the Magic Shop: A neurosurgeon's true story of the life-changing magic of mindfulness and compassion by Dr. James R Doty
This was probably my favorite book on the list and was also recommended to me by my new therapist. I didn’t know therapists gave book recommendations but I loved the homework assignment so I eagerly bought the book. And guess what? It was GREAT! So great that I gobbled it up in just a few days.
Doty’s book is based on real-life events including 1. growing up poor, 2. meeting a wise woman in a magic shop who taught him the greatest magic of all…how to manifest anything by calming your mind and opening your heart, and 3. defying all odds to become a successful doctor and now author.
The book touched on a lot of my favorite topics including mindfulness, manifestation, and raising your vibration. But what really pulled on my heartstrings was how this man overcame great odds to get to where he is today - all thanks to the kindness and patience of another person. Had he not met her it’s likely that he would have met the same fate as his alcoholic father or poverty-stricken mother. This book is a reminder that the environment you grow up in doesn’t necessarily have to determine your direction in life - as long as you know a few of the magic tricks in this book.
I got so excited about the book, I sent a copy to a cousin of mine who also grew up similarly to me and also shares similar interests. I’ve never done that before, but felt the immediate urge to “share the magic” - and now I am sharing it with you. Get this book!
Have you read any of the books mentioned above? What about any others that stopped you in your tracks? I’d love to hear what you’ve been reading or listening to :)
A Practical Way to Deal With Stress
The other day I had a TED talk on in the background while I was scheduling some social posts for a client. The first 13 minutes of the 14 min broadcast went the same way most TED talks do:
Witty introduction.
Establish credibility.
Present a problem (that you didn’t realize WAS a problem.)
Provide a heartfelt, somewhat vague or impractical solution.
The Talk
Kelly McGonigal, the keynote speaker, is a health psychologist who helps her patients implement practical strategies for health, happiness, and personal success. She told the audience that, for years, she had been informing her patients that stress was very dangerous. It wasn’t until she delved into the topic deeper that she found out something very surprising; it wasn’t actually the stress that was making people sick, it was the belief that the stress was making them sick, that was making them sick. Go figure.
McGonigal’s conclusion was very simple (perhaps oversimplified): change your perception of stress. When stress begins to take a physical toll on your body (increased heart rate, higher body temperature, + upset stomach) it's preparing you for the challenge ahead, not working against you. The stress hormone (which also happens to be the cuddle hormone, Oxytocin) is urging you to reach out to those you care about, and bond with them over the stressful situation.
While this talk was better than most I’ve seen, her conclusion was still a bit vague for me. How the hell was telling myself stress was helping me, going to help me? Needless to say, I was skeptical.
At 13:35, however, I changed my tune completely.
The host of the talk got on stage and asked her the following question:
So you’re saying, that you can pursue a stressful situation (such as a job), as long as you believe you can handle it?
And here is how she responded:
Chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort. Go after what creates meaning in your life, and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows.
BINGO. Now THAT'S the mind-blowing takeaway I was waiting for.
Living With Stress
Since arriving in Berlin, I have been living in a shared flat. In the beginning, it was great for me because it exposed me to new people from different cultures and allowed me to learn more about myself in the process. Lately, however, I have been feeling the urge to live in a more calm atmosphere. With all the various people coming and going from my current flat, it’s no surprise that it feels more like a hotel than a home. To make matters worse, a few months ago, my roommate informed us that her boyfriend would be living with us for the next four months…without asking me or my other roommate beforehand. As you can probably imagine, I was very stressed out about the situation. Longing for this idea of “comfort”, I threw myself into an apartment search (which turned out to be much more stressful than the alternative.)
Too bad this TED talk didn’t fall into my lap a few months prior, perhaps I would have saved myself a few sleepless nights.
My Takeaway
Life is often uncomfortable and stressful. While I am a firm believer that you can just buy a one-way ticket and fly away any damn time you want, eventually the lesson is going to catch up with you. But exactly what that lesson was, was a bit confusing for me. My lesson wasn’t that I had to be a martyr and stay in a messy situation because I had to learn patience, or compassion, or communication. My lesson is that I should redirect my focus on chasing meaning, instead of avoiding discomfort.
A Practical Way to Deal with Stress
1. First, define what chasing meaning means to you. Here are some things that bring (or have brought) meaning to my life:
taking care of a fluffy pup
nourishing my friendships
helping my girlfriends realize their worth
helping others find their voice, talent, or passion and then encouraging them to pursue it
empowering others, especially women and minorities
writing relatable content, sharing stories
being playful, silly, childlike so that others feel safe and comfortable to do so
2. Second, start chasing!