When People Don't Pay Up, Don't Be Bitter, Be Better
Last Sunday I hosted a Balance Your Cycle With Plant-Based Food workshop in my living room. I personally don’t know much about balancing your hormones with plant-based food which is why I brought in plant-based chef Lisa Forbes to help facilitate. You see I’ve been creating these kinds of events for over a year now. In that time, I’ve co-hosted workshops on a variety of topics from eliminating period paid with yoga, to budgeting your way to financial freedom, to storytelling.
The idea to start self-work workshops transpired after seeing the results that my own self-work journey had delivered. I was following my curiosities (like playing the drums) and feeling more confident and alive by the second. Workshops were a way for me to learn a new skill and connect with likeminded individuals. I was so psyched about the results that I wanted to spread the joy to other women in the process.
And So, Self-work Workshops Was Born
The workshops aren’t how I make my money (although someday that is a goal of mine). By trade, I am a website designer, social media manager, and writer for clients all over the world. I have a few steady clients that help me pay my bills. I’ve structured my life in a way that allows me more time than most which I am eternally grateful. That means I have time to think and create and connect with other workshop facilitators so that we can combine our skills and effort in order to enhance the lives of others on their own self work journey.
Every time I do one of these things I learn something new. Sunday was no different.
A couple of hours before the workshop was to begin, I decided to go for a jog to help turn off some of my self-doubt. On my way to the park, I received a Facebook message from a woman (who shall remain nameless) who wanted to come to the workshop and was wondering why she couldn’t buy tickets. Because it was a cooking workshop, and our facilitator had to buy ingredients in advance, I turned off the eventbrite ticket purchasing a day earlier. Normally though, I let people buy tickets on the day of, no problem. I wrote her back immediately and told her that there was still space and if she wanted to come, that she could either bring cash or send money to my PayPal account. She agreed.
The workshop went well. I learned a lot and got inspired to give plant-based a real effort (I’ve dabbled before, but was intimidated by all the information out there). Lisa did a wonderful job of explaining the menstrual cycle and how we can nourish our bodies throughout each stage. We were a small group, but I liked that, especially because we were sharing intimate details of our periods. Everyone seemed engaged, if not a bit shy. We then took a break and helped Lisa prepare some nourishing snacks. While they were chilling in the fridge we learned more priceless information about our bodies. Then we had turmeric lattes and ate our snacks while connecting with one another.
As everyone started to pack up to leave, I asked the woman who shall remain nameless how she’d like to pay for the workshop, cash or PayPal? I felt uncomfortable asking like this. It’s always a bit awkward to ask someone for money even if they have already agreed, especially because we’d just had such a nice afternoon together. “Oh, uh I will pay PayPal,” she stammered as if she forget she had to pay. “Ok, sure no problem, I will send you the email and you can send me the money tonight.” She hugged me and thanked us for the evening, and then she left.
The next day I messaged her from my SelfWork Workshops Business page and gave her the email to send the money to.
No response.
The day after that I tried sending another message with similar information.
No response.
Later that day I got home and realized the message never went through. It was strange. The message wasn’t there in our history.
So I sent her another message. That message wasn’t in my history either.
Something began to feel odd. Did she block me? I couldn’t be sure.
I then decided to message her from my personal Facebook account. “Perhaps something is wrong with Facebook messenger for business,” I thought.
The next day I received confirmation that my latest message had indeed gone through— the message showed up in my history and a blue checkmark was next to the message. She had read it.
But I still got no response.
I was super bummed that this happened, especially because these workshops are to promote self-love, sisterhood and empowerment. They aren’t to turn a huge profit. Yes this workshop was priced rather high for Berlin standards, 45 euros for 3 hours, but I happen to think that’s a great value, especially when you factor in how many hours I spent promoting the event, setting up the eventbrite, preparing my space, cleaning the space and how many hours Lisa spent buying ingredients, preparing the recipes, traveling to my place, sharing her knowledge. Plus, I always make sure to communicate that if you’re having financial difficulties you can always get in touch with me and we can work something out. Not many people ever do, but for the ones who do write to me, I always offer them a discount. I know what it’s like to be financially strained and want to make sure that everyone can access this knowledge regardless of their situation. But the workshops are also about empowering myself and the other facilitators to earn what they are worth. And that means we have to get paid for our effort. There are so many people in Berlin (especially women) that give away their services for free or for far less than they should. While I would also love to host workshops for free (and have done so in the past), unfortunately, we live in a capitalist society which means I need money to pay rent and nourish my body.
Why am I sharing this? Because instead of being bitter, I’m choosing to let this experience make me be better. Here are some lessons I learned in the process:
I’m going to keep asking for what I am worth. Even if people laugh, call me crazy, or refuse to pay me for services already rendered. I will keep asking for what I am worth. And if I’m not sure, I’m going to ask others what they are getting paid for similar work.
I still believe that sisterhood, skillshare, and community are some of the most powerful tools we have as women. I will keep my head high and my heart open.
I’m going to pay for workshops, events, and skillshare. I’m going to pay extra for services that go above and beyond. Even if they say “donation-based” or “pay what you can” — I’m going to pay them what the going rate is. If I can’t afford it, I won’t go (and certainly won’t hug them and take home leftovers if I have no intention of paying.)
If I can’t afford the workshop or the class, but am still really interested, I will ask them if I can pay less or do some work trade. If they agree, I will make sure to share the event with my network, leave that woman a DAMN good review online, and just hype her up as much as possible! I will do the same for my friends’ events even if I have no intention of going. Why? Because we could all use a little more support in this crazy world.
Self-work means stepping out of your comfort zone, putting yourself in spaces that aren’t familiar, and investing in yourself. But it also means lifting up those around you as you rise. I won’t let this woman who shall remain nameless make me bitter —instead, I’m going to let her make me BETTER. Plus I’ve got too much self-work to do!
<3 you all,
Nicole
