Well, What Went Well?
A lot of people use the New Year to reflect on the things that went wrong the previous year and use that as fuel to jumpstart their year ahead. While there is certainly nothing wrong with reflection, self-improvement, or setting goals, the previously mentioned way of doing things fails to acknowledge one important thing…WHAT WENT WELL?
We are so damn hard on ourselves.
I had a list of so-called “resolutions” I wanted to share with you, a list of goals and achievements that I want to accomplish. Things from being kinder to myself when I look in the mirror (ageing is no joke, y’all) to some pretty high career goals. But sharing any of that is not going to make me feel good, why? Because it implies that I am not already “enough”. That there is some better version of myself out there if only I would just “get my act together already”. But that’s not fair. It diminishes all the self-work I do every day.
And I work very hard.
Though I don’t operate heavy machinery or mine copper for a living, my mind is always working. I even have a hard time watching drivel on Netflix because I feel guilty, like I should be expanding my mind, or learning something valuable instead. When I carve out time to read it’s almost always something non-fiction for the same exact reason, I have an insatiable quest for knowledge. Not only do I juggle the projects of several clients, I’m also building my own projects in the background. I also make sure to carve out time for exercise, meditation, socializing, romancing, and traveling. So, then why am I so hard on myself? Why do I insist on pointing out the 15 things that went wrong instead of 3 things that went amazingly? Because we are victims of the if this, then that trap. Media, society, our loved ones all do a pretty good job at convincing us that we need this ______ in order to feel _______.
The self-help industry tries to convince us that we need this this mantra, affirmation, yoga pose combo in order to feel healthy.
Instagram influencers try to convince us that we need this slimming tea in order to feel sexy.
Politicians try to convince us that we need more guns, higher walls, and less immigrants in order to feel safe.
The media tries to convince us that we need the perfect ratio of curves in order to feel beautiful.
But the truth is, you don’t need any thing to make you feel any which way. If you know the feeling you want to feel, you are already capable of feeling that way — with or without the side of fear, bling, or insecurity. One easy way to get out of the “new year, new me” trap is by reflecting on some things that went very well last year, things where maybe you surprised yourself or the others around you. Maybe you stepped out of your comfort zone and took your very first singing lesson. Perhaps you joined a dating site or volunteered at a local shelter. Whatever it is, write it down. Reflect on how you felt afterward.
Here is my “Went Well” list:
Budget savvy travel remained high on my list of priorities. This year I managed to go to Milan, Rome, New York, Sedona, Phoenix, Tucson, Philadelphia, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, The Dead Sea, London, Basel, The Swiss Alps, and Munich.
I was published in a few different places including my first print magazines: a local Tucson magazine and an english newspaper in Berlin
I started my own series of self-empowerment workshops for women including a Yoga Workshop for Period Pain, Website Building Workshop for Women Entrepreneurs, A Budgeting Workshop and a Storytelling Workshop. More to come!
I read one of my personal essays in front of an audience at an event hosted by Clue,my favorite period tracking app.
I made meditation a part of my night time ritual.
I moved into my own apartment. I’ve got big girl bills now, but the peace of mind is worth all of it.
I paid off my student loans…1 year early.
I wrote meditations for a meditation app and currently have a client in the addiction treatment field. Something I’d been wanting for a while were clients that not only aligned with my values but also my interests :)
I took my very first drum lesson!
I started a “no screen” policy for myself 1-2 hours before I go to bed. I use the time to read, take a bath, write, or meditate.
I joined a book club.
Now it’s YOUR turn! What are the things that went well for you last year? What are some things you accomplished or overcame? If you are having a hard time coming up with stuff, scroll through the pictures on your phone. It’s likely you took pictures of the things you were most proud of.
Oh and if you feel like this exercise is “tooting your own horn” — it most certainly is. But guess what? If you don’t toot it, who else will?! TOOT TOOT!
Set Intentions Not Goals
Goals are important but they shouldn’t throw you off balance.
This year I set a few goals. Well, actually I prefer to call them intentions. The term goals gets a bad wrap. It implies that you will sacrifice everything and stop at nothing to achieve them, but my life is truly only joyful when I have balance. Instead of setting goals, I set intentions. And I always make sure my intentions are attached to a desired feeling. "Why do I want to manifest this intention?"
Goals - You set them and obsess over them. You cut things, people, and experiences out of your life to reach them. But once you reach them, you feel dissatisfied instead of inspired. You set another goal and keep up the same pace until you achieve that one. The result? You feel burned out, exhausted, depressed, isolated, dissatisfied, and listless.
Intentions - You set them and forget them. You cut ties with things that no longer serve you or the way you want to feel. You put in an ample amount of "self-work" (things that build an inner strength) including journaling, exercising, spending time in nature, meditating, and cultivating a community of support. The result? A somewhat "magical" manifestation of your intentions which makes you feel accomplished, proud, inspired and energetic.
My intention: The Crow
My desired feeling: Strong
Earlier this year I set an intention. I wanted to be able to do the Yogi crow. Though I regularly practice yoga at home with my girl Adriene and occasionally attend a local group class, I didn’t really think too much about the specifics. Instead I focused on getting stronger and the way I felt during and after I practiced; strong and confident. I also liked how clear my mind was when I practiced, it’s the same way I felt when I go for a run.
I recently started attending a weekly Yoga prevention course. In Germany, your health insurance will reimburse half of the cost of the course upon completion. On my first day, I had a lovely teacher from Italy. The class was small, only 4 of us, so it felt intimate and cozy. We began the practice but I was feeling slightly overwhelmed. It was a faster pace than I was used to. I breathed through everything but I felt like I wasn’t enjoying it. Instead of feeling strong and sexy I was feeling overheated, frustrated and anxious for it to be over.
After 30 minutes or so doing standing positions, she directed the class to sit on the floor. It was then that she explained how to do the illusive crow. The other three entered the position with ease as if they’d already done this a thousand times. The teacher saw me struggling and came over to help me out personally. She calmly explained how to do it,"You have to keep pressing your arms against your legs in order to create tension, otherwise it won't work." I tried again and couldn’t quite get my legs off the floor, but at least I was in the right position. For the first time, I could feel the tension she was talking about.
The other day I went for a run through one of my favorite parks. Instead of my usual route, I felt compelled to take a winding foot path through the meadow. There was a small clearance by a tree that I felt drawn to immediately. Perhaps it was all the colorful butterflies flying around or the fact that this space felt hidden among all the tall grass. Either way, I decided I was going to try the crow, you know, just for fun.
I tried the crow several times but each time I lost my balance. It was then that I decided to record it, just in case. Click here to see what happened next.
Set an intention, attach a feeling to it, and then forget it.
I wanted to do the crow because I wanted to feel stronger. And guess what happened when I hit my target? I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt proud of myself and my body. I couldn't wait to share the news with my best friend and boyfriend. The next day I hit it again, this time holding it for longer. My new found inner strength spread to other areas of my life as well. On the way home, I let go of my handle bars on my bike, something I had convinced myself was impossible due to the shoddy alignment. And guess what? I rode my bike with no hands, grinning from ear to ear. I can't wait to see what other joyful happenstances my inner strength will lead me towards.
Now enough about me, what are your intentions?