Embracing Singlehood
For anyone who has been partnered for many years, you know how hard (and awkward) it can be to transition to happily single. Not only do you have to get used to not having a warm body to cuddle and share home-cooked meals with, but you also have to get used to not having the mental and emotional support that comes from having a person. Though I tend to be quite independent in relationships, traveling solo and actively pursuing personal hobbies or interests, I love to share my life’s ups and downs with a special someone. Yes, I do this with a few close friends, but the level of intimacy and detail is different in a partnership.
For the last few weeks I have been volunteering at Animal Rescue Algarve and it has been healing in many ways. The first week I was here I went off the grid - I barely wrote to my best friend back home, only sent her a message here and there telling her I wanted to stay mum so I could process the transition. I even refrained from contacting either of my recent exes, one of which I still remain close friends with. As a big dog lover himself, I badly wanted to send him pictures and videos of the adorable doggos I was encountering daily - but I resisted.
I needed to break my habit of seeking validation from my partner and instead give myself that validation.
Sure - the dogs were adorable.
The surrounding nature was magical, with wildflowers and fresh lemons abloom.
And my body felt truly nourished with the combination of manual labor and the warm sun.
But it had to be enough that I was satisfied.
And I was. I was truly happy for the first time in a long while. Even if I didn’t have someone to share every detail with.
With every day I resisted seeking outside validation I felt my love of self, deepen. Once again I had overcome a difficult situation and had followed my curiosity towards happiness. I was proud of that.
And so on my days off a week ago, I followed my curiosity to Lagos. Though I was excited, the newness of the volunteer gig had started to wear off and the underlying sadness and disappointment from the past year had been slowly creeping back in. I started to throw myself a little pity party on the train but then about halfway there I told myself, “Look at you, doing EXACTLY what you love — you are in Portugal, volunteering for causes that light you up, surrounded by loving animals and people who love animals as much as you, traveling on your off days to explore a new city AND you are treating yourself to a Stand Up Paddleboard adventure through the caves.”
It was like someone flicked a switch and I no longer felt sad. I walked off that train with my head held high and my grin stretched wide. I was finally starting to embrace singlehood and all the benefits that it brings such as spontaneous travel and doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it.
The next morning, the tour almost got canceled because there weren’t enough people signed up (the guide didn’t want to only take one person out on the water because it wasn’t worth his time, a minor detail that might have sent newly singled me spiraling) Luckily though, someone booked the tour last minute and so I was able to conquer a fear of the ocean and see some pretty amazing sights in the process. For two hours straight I was grinning from ear to ear, even when I lost my balance and flipped backward off my board. Life was GOOD as a solo traveling female. Possibilities were endless. And joy was boundless.
