The Perks of Solo Traveling
Being a solo traveler has its perks.
I don’t have to wait for someone to finish getting ready to leave the Airbnb. Or choose a restaurant that appeals to someone’s food sensitivities or preferences. I don’t have to wait until someone else is hungry to eat. I can go to sleep at nine if I’m tired and not have to worry about someone teasing me for being a grandma and then proceed to leave the bright lights on thus delaying my slumber.
Overall I am embracing traveling with my number one, my ride or die, my BFF - me, but I’m not going to lie, sometimes it absolutely blows. Like recently when I got charged $150 for a scratch on a rental car. and didn’t have a buddy to commiserate with. Or when I booked a surfing lesson a week in advance and then was told the day before that I’d be charged $10 more for a private lesson because no one else signed up. I canceled the lesson informing the instructor that I didn’t find it fair that I was being punished because they didn’t have enough customers. Petty, maybe, but it was the principle of the matter!
Being a solo traveler, I’m realizing, is mostly good except when it comes to splitting the costs of unexpected financial surprises, booking tours or surfing lessons, or…..sharing your experiences with someone. Sometimes I just want someone to witness my frustration and tell me everything is going to be ok. Sometimes I just want someone to give me a reassuring hug or kiss on the forehead. Sometimes I just wanna snuggle in bed for a few minutes before both of us grab our phones and get sucked into the virtual vortex. Alas, at this time in my life, I have to learn how to do those things for myself. And I think I’m doing a pretty good job. Mostly.
Yesterday though my data on my phone quit working while I was driving and I couldn’t figure out how to get to the trailhead I had chosen. At that moment I did say some of my favorite expletives and I may or may not have screamed bloody murder, but, I took care of business. Using whatever info Google Maps had already downloaded, I was able to navigate myself to another point of attraction on my list instead, the Nauyaca Waterfalls, a beautiful 2.5-mile hike to a majestic 5-tiered waterfall.
As I was hiking to the falls, I found myself appreciating the fact that this magical place and I had found each other by some small miracle, a miracle that probably wouldn’t have happened had I had a co-pilot with working internet. When I reached the falls I felt an intense wave of happiness wash over me, suddenly the words book the trip popped into my mind. When in doubt, book the trip. Don’t wait for your fantasy honeymoon. Or until your friends have time off from work. Or until your sister’s kids are grown and she can accompany you. BOOK THE TRIP. Tears filled my eyes. I was so happy that I made this dream of being in Costa Rica come true for myself.
After marveling at the gushing falls for a minute, I gleefully asked a family of three if one of them would be willing to take my picture with the waterfall as the backdrop. You see, one of the side effects of traveling solo is that you don’t have someone around who has the patience to take the perfect photo of you. One woman was making her boyfriend do a full-on photoshoot of her swimming towards the waterfall and then posing sexily on a rock in her thong bikini, her long hair cascading down like she was on a cover for Sports Illustrated. I felt bad for the boyfriend but he didn’t seem to mind.
One of the family members I asked obliged my own photoshoot request and counted down as I posed with the waterfall.
He handed the phone back and asked if it was ok. Before I even looked at the picture I replied “Perfect, thanks”. I didn’t want to inconvenience him any more than I already had or worse, make him think I was vain.
But in actuality, the picture was dorky AF. Sure I looked happy but I didn’t look cute, mysterious, or anywhere near how I WANTED to look. I attempted to take a few selfies with the timer on, but couldn’t get a good angle. Eventually, I gave up and headed back to the car.
Later that day I shared the photo on Instagram and was honest about the lengths it took to get the photo as well as the thoughts that ran through my head afterward. Because, while I am having a blast exploring Central America on my own, and am still learning to embrace the perks of solo traveling, I do really miss having a person to share these awesome experiences with.
But I guess I can be grateful that I have the internet to share it with - LOL. You’re welcome :)
I just want to make sure that I am remaining present for all of it. All the ups and all the downs. When shit doesn’t go as planned, I’m learning how to self-soothe while simultaneously navigating myself to calmer waters, and when life delivers me a majestic waterfall I’m letting myself eke out tears of joy and then pose for a stupidly dorky photo taken by a kind albeit talentless stranger.
Have you ever traveled solo? What was your experience? I’d love to hear about it.
Embracing Singlehood
For anyone who has been partnered for many years, you know how hard (and awkward) it can be to transition to happily single. Not only do you have to get used to not having a warm body to cuddle and share home-cooked meals with, but you also have to get used to not having the mental and emotional support that comes from having a person. Though I tend to be quite independent in relationships, traveling solo and actively pursuing personal hobbies or interests, I love to share my life’s ups and downs with a special someone. Yes, I do this with a few close friends, but the level of intimacy and detail is different in a partnership.
For the last few weeks I have been volunteering at Animal Rescue Algarve and it has been healing in many ways. The first week I was here I went off the grid - I barely wrote to my best friend back home, only sent her a message here and there telling her I wanted to stay mum so I could process the transition. I even refrained from contacting either of my recent exes, one of which I still remain close friends with. As a big dog lover himself, I badly wanted to send him pictures and videos of the adorable doggos I was encountering daily - but I resisted.
I needed to break my habit of seeking validation from my partner and instead give myself that validation.
Sure - the dogs were adorable.
The surrounding nature was magical, with wildflowers and fresh lemons abloom.
And my body felt truly nourished with the combination of manual labor and the warm sun.
But it had to be enough that I was satisfied.
And I was. I was truly happy for the first time in a long while. Even if I didn’t have someone to share every detail with.
With every day I resisted seeking outside validation I felt my love of self, deepen. Once again I had overcome a difficult situation and had followed my curiosity towards happiness. I was proud of that.
And so on my days off a week ago, I followed my curiosity to Lagos. Though I was excited, the newness of the volunteer gig had started to wear off and the underlying sadness and disappointment from the past year had been slowly creeping back in. I started to throw myself a little pity party on the train but then about halfway there I told myself, “Look at you, doing EXACTLY what you love — you are in Portugal, volunteering for causes that light you up, surrounded by loving animals and people who love animals as much as you, traveling on your off days to explore a new city AND you are treating yourself to a Stand Up Paddleboard adventure through the caves.”
It was like someone flicked a switch and I no longer felt sad. I walked off that train with my head held high and my grin stretched wide. I was finally starting to embrace singlehood and all the benefits that it brings such as spontaneous travel and doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it.
The next morning, the tour almost got canceled because there weren’t enough people signed up (the guide didn’t want to only take one person out on the water because it wasn’t worth his time, a minor detail that might have sent newly singled me spiraling) Luckily though, someone booked the tour last minute and so I was able to conquer a fear of the ocean and see some pretty amazing sights in the process. For two hours straight I was grinning from ear to ear, even when I lost my balance and flipped backward off my board. Life was GOOD as a solo traveling female. Possibilities were endless. And joy was boundless.