How to Feel Richer Than Any of the Kardashians Combined
This week was a wild ride.
I found out an old coworker of mine passed away from cancer. He was a young father of two little girls and had been battling stage 4 cancer for a few years.
That a neighbor of ours had a stroke on the way to the supermarket.
That my aunt’s husband passed away from a heart attack. He started feeling symptoms at his son’s wedding but didn’t want to disturb the ceremony.
On a lighter note, I also found out that my younger sister, who is graduating from high school with honors soon, received a scholarship to attend my alma mater. I sent her some money with a note attached that read the following:
Congratulations on your BIG achievement. I am SO proud of you and can't wait to see what amazing things you do for the world!! If I could offer one piece of advice it would be this: TRAVEL as often as you can!! - see the world, taste different foods, immerse yourself in other cultures, attempt to talk to locals even when you don't speak the same language, and try to stay in one place for a while if you can (at least a few weeks) so you really feel what it's like to live there. If you follow this advice - your life will always be rich (even if you aren't haha). I love you so very much!!
While I stand behind my message, the truth is, I needed this reminder myself because sometimes I feel like I am behind financially to my childhood friends, many of whom own their own houses and have stable jobs with good pensions. Sometimes I feel like I’m not working hard enough - like I should be doing something more productive with my time than practicing ukulele or playing beach volleyball. Some of my friends are new moms and swear they are in love with their little humans. I believe them, but again, it makes me question my own life choices. Should I start a family and finally put down roots somewhere?
But then I hear devastating news like the first few points I listed in the beginning and I am reminded of the fragility of life. Life is too short to compare yourself to others. Or to try to live a life that makes others proud. Instead, we should all be living life to its fullest in every way possible, in whatever way works for us. For some, that means bringing new humans into the world or devoting your life to a project or passion. For others, like me, that means traveling the world and experiencing the beauty of the world firsthand.
And that’s exactly what I am doing.
Case in point - I am currently clacking away on my laptop in Crete. Every day that we’ve been here, my partner and I have either been working out together on the balcony that overlooks the sea, climbing steep mountains while the rocky earth crunches beneath our boots, eating locally grown vegetables doused in olive oil, or alternating between bathing in the salty sea and warm sun.
Now the time here hasn’t all been dolmades and yogurt. I am apparently allergic to olive trees which happen to be blooming right now - which causes my eyes to itch and nose to consistently feel like a loaded canon. Our Airbnb has had many water-related issues, no hot water sometimes, no water at all at other times, and today, well today, water was shooting out of the wall of the bathroom sink. And yesterday I ate chicken souvlaki that may or may not have been a leather handbag.
But as annoying as these things are at the moment, I wake up every day grateful for the life I’ve created and for the people I’ve helped in the process.
Though I may not be a homeowner or have an impressive retirement plan, I LOVE my life. And that’s what being a CBO is all about - not becoming the next influencer, selling millions of memberships to your coaching program, or getting on the bestseller list. It’s about living your life, your one precious life, to the fullest so that you can inspire others to do the same.
And that, my friend, is the secret to feeling richer than any of the Kardashians combined.
Here's Why You Probably Need a Website Audit
I’m a millennial which means I grew up with the internet. I remember when that bulbous Compaq made its way into our home, it was love at first “site”. Even before that, I was trekking to the library to wait my turn just so that I could look up all the websites I had collected from my latest edition of Teen People magazine. I don’t remember ever wanting to spend that much time at the library prior to the Internet.
More than a decade later, I found myself in Madrid interning for a popular Discoteca. I couldn’t understand the Marketing Director’s “Spain” Spanish and he didn’t speak any English, so I told him I would gladly create a MySpace page for his club. I literally spent like 6 grand on that internship credit. Can you tell I was a Comms major and not an Econ major? LOL.
Today, I have over a decade of building websites under my belt, more if you count my MySpace shenanigans (please count it, it took me a decade to pay it off.) Even if you don’t count it, I think it’s safe to say I know my way around the interwebs. I know what works on a website, and I know what doesn’t. And I especially know what looks good.
Here Are Some Things That Are No Bueno
When a link is broken
When a site looks hip or cool but doesn’t provide the basic info I need like a godd&#*& menu, opening hours, or prices
When the site looks like Fred Flinstone personally programmed it with a stone tablet and Pterodactyl quill AKA isn’t mobile-friendly
Don’t Worry, Help Is On the Way
If your website is chock full of annoying video ads, hasn’t been updated in over a decade, or isn’t mobile-friendly, I’m not going to judge you. But I will judge your site (if you pay me to do it.) I will also provide a list of ways to improve it. I call this service the “Website Audit”. To learn more about it, you can head here.
If you are bullheaded and prefer to DIY, on the other hand, I will first and foremost salute a fellow mule and then I will encourage you to check out this blog post where I outline all the essential pages your site needs. Hint, LESS IS MORE. Cut the fat and stick to the essentials.
Or in other words, when in doubt, throw it out (I am just getting over food poisoning in Mexico, can you tell?)
Need help designing a beautifully minimal yet functional website? Get in touch! I’d love to hear about your project.
The Magic of Sedona, A New Client, and Animal Totems Galore
For the past few weeks, I have been spending time in Sedona, Arizona.
I was supposed to be transitioning to a more transient lifestyle with my German partner but the travel ban prevented him from joining me from the beginning. And so I ventured into the red rocks solo.
To say this place is magical would be doing it a disservice. It’s more than that.
At a recent goddess, ecstatic dance night that ended with half the female-oriented participants strutting around the room topless, one of the women said she liked to refer to Sedona as SedoMa because of the nurturing embrace this city possesses. Known for its energetic healing vortexes, endless hiking trails and UFO sitings and I can see why - this place is very much out of this world and also a nice bubble to reground myself after a tumultuous last couple of years.
I have no doubt that my nearly daily hikes, random animal sitings, and kismetic encounters have contributed to the healing process and have helped me rise above the collective pandemic related grief, the loss of my vivacious grandma Shirley, the dissolution of a toxic business partnership, the cutting ties with a dear friend due to growing in different directions, the abrupt ending to a lucrative client relationship, and the never-ending grieving of past iterations of self. It’s been a hell of a few years!
One day in particular, however, will likely stand out in my memory for years to come, for I felt the magic of Mama Sedona first hand.
“It never ceases to amaze me how music can instantly transform me from being just another human in an aging meat suit to an ethereal goddess embodying joy and hope.”
On my drive to a trailhead of an unfamiliar trail, an incredible song came on my Spotify weekly list. It never ceases to amaze me how music can instantly transform me from being just another human in an aging meat suit to an ethereal goddess embodying joy and hope. “I think I’d like some more website clients,” I said out loud. I turned the music up louder and louder and cracked my windows down a bit. I know from previous experience that getting lost in music is both my superpower but also my kryptonite - especially when behind the wheel. But today felt different. I felt protected and inspired. Today was for me and so I let myself linger in the joy a little longer (not an easy task for a nervous Gemini sun and moon who is prone to pointing out dangers and acting accordingly).
I reached the trailhead and managed to park on the side of the busy street, unaware that this particular hike lacked a proper parking lot.
The hike started out seemingly innocent. I slowly made my way up the mountain, stopping to take some selfies with the changing leaves and to pop a squat in the bushes. I encountered a few people coming down but was for the most part on my own. Once I reached the first apex of the afternoon, I stopped for lunch and dangled my legs off a peak. I felt alive in a way that only comes whilst eating an almond butter and jelly sandwich while dangling off a cliff.
I didn’t rest too long though, knowing that I still had to make my descent the other side of the mountain in order to reach the grand finale, the Vultee Arch, a natural bridge between two rocks carved by SedoMa herself. On my way to the arch, I spotted a tarantula crawling diagonally along the trail. I whipped out my phone and caught the hairy creature in action. I’m a big animal lover, even the creepy crawlies, and full-heartedly believe that they are often acting as messengers from the spirit world. I didn’t think much of this encounter but filed it away in my memory bank for later. I couldn’t wait to get home and google “tarantula animal totems”, but first, I had to keep keeping on.
After another 45 minutes or so, I finally reached the base of the arch. At this point, I was unsure if I wanted to expend my precious energy on climbing yet another apex when I had so far to go back to the car so I asked a woman who suddenly appeared before me, “is it worth it?” Without hesitation, she muttered “absolutely.” And so I scattered my way to the top.
And let me tell you, once I did reach this apex, I felt an excitement course through my veins. I lifted my arms over my head and waved down to the older couple sitting at the base of the mountain. They waved back. I was grinning from ear to ear. So THIS is what it feels like to be alive.
Thinking I had had my fill of excitement and magic for the day I made my way down the arch, and back up the mountain.
Before I tell you what came next, I must preface that I am a desert rat. I love the desert through and through, and need to return a few times a year to soak up her sun and breathe in her creosote soaked musk. But that being said, I am also deeply aware of her fierceness, the deadly critters that lurk in her shadows, the potency of her heat, the brutality of her spiky flora. As much love as I feel towards her, I also feel a deep respect often disguised as intimidation. Hiking alone in the desert is a beautiful, transformational experience, but it can also be damn scary at times. Which is why I do it - to push my growth edges and diminish the illusion of fear.
Sedona is classified as a semi-desert though - so for some reason, I haven’t felt this same trepidation. She has just enough trees and cool enough temperatures to make me feel safe. And so I must say my guard was unusually down on this magical day.
And just as I made my final descent, along came a rattler. Yep, a rattlesnake.
To see a rattlesnake in Sedona is extremely rare due to the cooler temperatures. In fact, just a few days prior I had been reading a book about hiking in Sedona and there was a brief section about snakes. The author wrote that his editor didn’t even want him to include a snake section in the book because he didn’t want the information to scare anyone because to see a rattlesnake was SO rare. He said in all the years he’d lived there, he’d never seen one. Not one.
And here was one just a few feet in front of me. A long, slithering serpent attempting, like me, to get home before dark. My heart stopped. Not only was he slithering towards the trail, the exact way I needed to go to get to my car, but I was still a good 45 minutes away from my car and there was no human being in sight. Turning back wasn’t an option as there was only one way up and one way down. And so I took out my phone and I documented the sliterhing serpent in front of me.
The snake wasn’t alarmed, in fact I don’t even think they knew I was there. The rattle never rattled and it never appeared startled in any way.
Eventually, the snake disappeared into the brush and was no longer visible. To make sure it wasn’t waiting to attack, I threw a rock in the opposite direction. If I could hear the snake startle, I would wait even longer. Fortunately, I didn’t hear anything. And so I booked it. I never flew down a mountain so fast. Nor did I ever want to be back in civilization, free from creepy crawlies, so bad. About halfway down, however, I see an older man slowly making his way down as well. Being the introvert that I am, normally I would say something polite to the stranger and keep moving forward. Today was not a normal day. “Oh my god, I have never been so happy to see another human being.” He looked confused. I explained the story to him and he assured me there weren’t any rattlesnakes around here. “I walk this trail all the time,” he said. After showing him my video, however, he backtracked. “Well, that’s a rattle snake!” “I KNOW!” I said.
I asked him if it was ok if I walked with him the rest of the way, “my heart just can’t take any more surprises”, I told him. He led and set the pace like wolves in a wolf pack do. We got to chatting and he mentioned that his wife was half German. And about ten minutes later, we met up with her and added yet another wolf to our wolf pack.
Her name? Wolfee.
Turns out Wolfee is an animal communicator who worked at the University of Arizona (my alma mater) and also as a wolf dog trainer before having a near-death experience. Since then, she’s been painting her experience and enjoying being in nature with her husband. Oh, and she needs a website for her art.
SedoMa is magic, I tell ya.
For anyone who is wondering:
Tarantula animal totem- the understanding of perfect timing, knowing that you have done the work and now you have to be patient to wait for the outcome, and using your sensitivity and intuitions to get where you want to go
Rattlesnake animal totem- transforming, symbolic dying and rebirthing, shedding old aspects of self or life situation and exchanging it for something more valuable
I don't belong anywhere. I belong everywhere.
I have recently come to terms with the fact that for the rest of my life I will always be missing out on something.
- When I am dancing the night away with friends, I miss having dinner with my family in Atlanta.
- When I head to the US for a month to welcome my niece to the world, I am missing sitting in my favorite park in Berlin.
- When I am catching up with friends from high school, I am missing snuggling my puppy in Tucson.
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
Sure, I suffer from FOMO when trying to decide what to do in an evening:“Which event should I attend tonight?”
These kinds of decisions aren’t as hard to make because usually the answer can be determined by asking this simple question: “How much does it cost?”
This decision is not so easy, however, when trying to answer heavier questions such as: “Do I want to watch my niece grow up first hand or through a shoddy Skype connection?”
Luckily, I have been battling FOMO for quite some time and have since learned how to calm this nagging beast.
We live in exciting times. Being everywhere at once is somewhat possible with the magic of technology, however, this option doesn’t come without sacrifices. There is a possibility that you will spread yourself too thin, which may result in living a shallow, lonely life. YIKES!
Rest assured, I have finally figured out how to stay settled internally while living many lives at once. No matter where I am jaunting off to next, I make sure to always incorporate the following so that I never stray too far from myself or my values; exercise, music, and communication.
- Exercise helps me to stay connected to my physical self.
- Music helps me to balance my emotions and center my thoughts.
- Communication helps me to feel connected to loved ones, not matter where I am. I never feel too far from my friends or family if I have the option to send them a simple “what’s up” text.
In addition, if I want to keep being the happiest Nicole possible, I must continue to pay tribute to all the parts that make me whole. This means, that I will probably always be bouncing between the cities of Tucson, Atlanta, and Berlin.
- I have desert bones — I feel most calm when the Saguaro sun wraps her rays around me, strengthening the core of the woman I have worked so hard to be.
- I have Southern roots — I feel most nostalgic when the heavy Georgian air fills my lungs, grounding me back down to Earth.
- I have German blood — I feel most like myself when the plane touches down in Berlin, reminding me that moving here was the best decision of my life.
Sure, I will always be saying goodbye, but it also means I will always be saying hello. In fact, I’m not really “missing out” at all— I always have a loved one to catch up with, a nostalgic food to eat, or a new story to tell.
I don’t belong to anyone. I belong to everyone.
I don’t belong anywhere. I belong everywhere.
The Dark Side of Traveling
I love to travel. One of the reasons I moved to Berlin was so that I would have easy access to many of the cities I've always dreamed of visiting. It’s much easier to justify a “weekend in Barcelona” when the flight only costs 60 euros. That being said, if you follow my Instagram, chances are you are only seeing one side of the story (one that is likely filtered and happy.) The truth is, traveling can be tough; physically, emotionally, and financially. Granted I wouldn’t change one single thing about my globetrotting life, I do want to shine some light on some of the perils that travel brings.
Not everyone makes a good traveler. I always get nervous when traveling with friends for the first time. You can’t always tell who will make a good traveler until you’re up shit creek without a paddle. For me, a perfect traveling buddy is easy going, fiscally responsible (aka cheap like me), and ok with doing things solo sometimes. Luckily, I have found a few great friends in Berlin that also make great traveling companions.
Like the roller coaster of life, there are ups and downs when traveling. Sometimes you are the chipper one. Sometimes you are the bitter one. It’s important that you have a travel buddy that is comfortable picking you up when you’re low (and vice versa.) It’s also important that you can relish in the happy times together.
Recently I traveled to Amsterdam with my flatmate and one of my best gal pals. We decided it would be a good idea to stay on a ship (appropriately named The Ship of Fools.) It was quite an experience, though one I never want to experience again.
There was no wifi, no running water for a shower, and we had to climb down a metal ladder to reach the loo (not an easy task in the middle of the wet, rainy night.) Sure we could have dwelled on the fact that our bed had ants, the door had no lock, and that the room was freezing, but we didn’t.
You know what we did, instead?
We made each other laugh. We laughed harder than ever before. We laughed until our stomachs hurt from laughing too much, and then we laughed some more. We took pictures of each other swinging on the ship’s bowlines like drunken pirates. We danced like fools. We brushed our teeth with bottled water and spit it over the side of the ship.
It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, however…
There was one night I broke down. I was tired. We had to take a bus for 45 minutes and then walk another 20 minutes in the cold, windy night. We were crashing at a friend’s place our last night and they lived far from the city center. Though I was happy to not be on The Ship of Fools, I was exhausted, so exhausted. When we finally arrived to their place, I broke down.
I cried. I cried because I was tired. I cried because I was dirty. I cried because I wanted to be be back in Berlin, in my bed. I cried because I am a human and no matter how happy of a human you are, sometimes you just break down.
Though that day had been one of the best days of my life, I had reached my breaking point. My friend was a perfect angel in that moment. She hugged me, gave me some water, told me to get some sleep and assured me that it would be better in the morning. She showed me the kind of tenderness I can only ever remember my mom giving me. I felt very cared for in that moment and it put me at ease so that I could fall asleep.
When I woke up, I was better, much better. It was my turn to be positive. It was my turn to care for her. I could tell she wanted to be home as well. I could tell she was tired. I made a point to show her extra kindness.
Every time I go on a trip, I come back enlightened. Traveling requires you to leave your comfort zone, forces you to confront the ugly sides of your personality, requires that you acknowledge the darkness, the downside, the lows, and then use it for fuel to keep smiling, laughing, and enjoying the moment. Sometimes it’s challenging to find the lightness in a shitty situation. Sometimes it’s damn near impossible. But that’s ok too. It’s not normal to go around smiling all the time. I feel so lucky to have friends that I can be myself around, even during moments of negativity. Find yourself travel companions (and life companions) that you can say the following to:
Thank you for letting me be myself.
Thank you for not making me feel bad when I have moments of darkness, weakness or negativity.
I promise that these "dark" moments will be few and far between, but I need to have them sometimes.
I appreciate that you listen to me when I feel the darkness closing in and I appreciate that you don’t let me dwell in the darkness alone for too long.
Tomorrow I am traveling to Malta, a small country south of of Italy. One of the islands in Malta is said to have been the home of the nymph Calypso in Homer’s Odyssey. I am looking forward to the challenges that the weekend trip will bring, but mostly I am excited to warm my bones in the sun, to let the salty air fill my lungs, and to laugh uncontrollably with friends that feel more like my family.
Ich liebe mein Leben.
Do As I Did and Make 2016 the Absolute Best Year of Your Life
If a clairvoyant with a crystal ball had told me 10 years ago that I would currently be living on an entirely different continent, learning a new language, traveling to a new city every few months, and befriending people from all over the world, I probably would have smugly laughed, rolled my eyes and walked away. I rolled my eyes so much when I was 18, I am surprised my eyeballs didn't get stuck up there somewhere.
The truth is, I have always lived my life according to the confines of my environment. I loved having limits because it gave me goals to constantly be striving towards. I wanted the highest GPA, the first chair in Symphonic band, and the title of student body president. Though I didn’t always achieve the task at hand, competition fueled me.
It wasn’t until this year, however, that I discovered something incredibly fascinating and liberating (but also extremely terrifying.) When you remove the imaginary limits placed on you by your culture, your religion, your family, your friends, your gender, your partner, yourself, you can live your life exactly the way you want to.
Suddenly there are no limits to the number of friends you can have, the amount of dancing you can do in one evening, or the number of belly laughs you can have on any given day. After raising the ceiling to my happiness I discovered there was no ceiling. I could be happy every single day. Hell, I could be happier than the day before. Scratch that, I WOULD be happier than the day before.
Sure, not every day is a peachy fairytale. Sometimes I wake up with a scratchy throat. Sometimes I am hungover. Sometimes I work hard for the money. Sometimes I miss my mom and sister. Sometimes I have a belly full of doubt. But these moments are fleeting. You know what feeling always endures?Happiness.
Go to college, graduate, find a nice office job overlooking a cityscape, find a nice boy with similar values and start a life together, buy a house, start a family, then, then you’ll really be living the dream. Or, better yet, throw these preconceived notions out the window and do what you damn well please!
If 2015 is a preview for the rest of my life, then I’d say I am off to a pretty great start. Below are a few of my favorite memories of the past year:
The Travel:
Drove from Arizona to Georgia, road trip party of one; got abducted by aliens in Roswell, NM, got food poisoning in San Antonio, TX, ate vegan tacos in Austin, TX, saw the Rothko Chapel in Houston, TX, and cast a voodoo spell in New Orleans, LA. Moved to Berlin. Wandered around Paris, completely wide-eyed at the gloriousness of the beautiful city. Saw my DJ friend play at a fancy club in Stockholm (it’s true, everyone looks like a model) and lots of boats. Ate goulash and admired castles with my mama in Prague. Drank bacon flavored beer and sopped it up with kraut and sausages in Bamberg. Had all the fun with my zany family in Vegas (seriously, don't go there, there is no more fun).
The Lifestyle:
Met some fantastic girls who make me laugh every single day. Adopted a new culture that fits my needs and values. Downsized my life; my wardrobe has become utilitarian, I walk or take the metro everywhere, and when I grocery shop, I only buy things that will fit in to two canvas totes. Cut my unhealthy attachment with material objects and started spending my money on experiences (like traveling.) Learned to appreciate the special people (and animals) in my life, especially in the moment. Increased the amount of time spent dancing by at least one thousand percent.
The Spirit:
Listened to that pesky inner voice telling me when something isn’t a right fit for me. Opened my heart and subsequently let the most wonderful people inside. Realized that love isn't about possessing someone or meeting expectations or demanding things, it's about giving, sharing, and making yourself vulnerable. Surrounded myself with people that kindled my inner magic. Learned to love without ulterior motives. Distanced myself from energy zappers, those who make you feel drained after spending a few hours with them.
After all this growing and learning, I can’t imagine what the next level in this video game called life will bring. I’ve never felt more comfortable, at ease, and happy in my own skin. And guess how it happened? I started loving myself. Love yourself and only good things will follow, I swear. Soon you'll be a magnet for the most invigorating experiences and amazing people who love you for you. Every single silly, zany part of you :) Best wishes for 2016.
Traveling is ALWAYS a good idea :)
This past month I decided to take a spontaneous trip to Stockholm, Sweden. My DJ friend Lady Blacktronika was playing a gig in Stockholm and I thought it would be fun to jet set with her. After all, traveling around Europe was one of my main reasons for deciding to move to Berlin in the first place. "Why not?" I told myself, "I deserve this."
As it turns out, taking last minute vacations can be quite pricey. I had buyer's remorse immediately after purchasing the ticket. In a panic I messaged my DJ friend on Facebook, “What am I doing with my life?” To which she simply replied, “living.”
Still not entirely convinced, I messaged another friend telling her how anxious I was that I had just spent so much money on a 2 day trip. Her response? “It’s traveling, traveling is always a good idea.”
Ok, well that settles it. I was going to go and enjoy myself. I am so thankful to have friends that value travel and life experiences as much as me. Now that I think about it most of my friends have travelled and lived all over the world. We all share a common thread, we are citizens of the world and we all value the ability to spread our wings when the cities we live in become smaller than our ideas.
If you are looking for some motivation to spend your money on experiences and not things here’s an article and a TED talk that might help.
Well the story doesn’t end there. At the airport on my way to Sweden, I was informed that I was getting bumped to the next flight. Because of the inconvenience the airline was giving me a €250 voucher for another flight. Others may have been perturbed by the inconvenience, but not me. I looked at it as a peace offering from the travel gods above--two trips for the price of one!
So the next time you are contemplating whether or not to spend money on travel, let me tell you, you won't regret it. Traveling is always a good idea.
As much as I loved the bulle (a flaky, chewy cinnamon and cardamom Swedish roll), the aromatic coffee, the beautiful boatscapes, and the calmness of the city, I was so happy to return to Berlin. Berlin may be rough around the edges but so am I. I love this city.