Silliness is Best When Shared
A lot of you are taking yourselves too seriously.
Now don’t come for me. I have full authority to critique your seriousness because, um, I’ve been taking myself seriously on and off for 36.5 years.
Up until recently, I only let myself get really silly with a few select humans on the planet, mostly members of my family who are equally as silly as me, or my long-term partners. When I was in my 20s, I used to get really silly while obliterated. When that happened, everyone at the party had the pleasure of seeing me playfully twerk on top of the tables. At least I was a fun drunk and not a sad one, or worse, aggressive one. But since I’ve become mostly sober, it has been a challenge for me to express my silliness on the daily. Not to mention I currently live in Berlin, aka a silliless city. But wow, my ability to lighten a serious situation could be called a skill. Depending on the context it would also be considered rude and inappropriate but let’s assume that I know the difference. So, why don’t I express this side of myself more?
A good friend and sometimes lover calls any non-serious behavior I exude, trickster energy. When I recently visited him at his new flat he casually said the Cheshire Cat had entered the building. Though I claimed to be a new happier version of myself, one who was more composed than the last time we were together, he teased that I was still the same devilish trickster on the inside. Though he’d been smiling mischievously when he said it (who was the real Cheshire Cat here?) I naturally felt offended by his statement. But now I am realizing it’s not an insult unless I take it seriously. Therefore, I’d like to formally announce that I am officially relinquishing any offense I felt at that moment. Booyah!
Unfortunately, I have had a resting bitch face my whole life which makes others think I am more serious than I am and has probably contributed to everyone I’ve ever met perceiving me as a passive bitch, until they get to know the REAL me. But I assure you I am not one (exactly what a passive bitch would say, but let’s move on.) Sure I judge others - don’t we ALL - but I also spend a LOT of time, probably too much time, trying to figure out why the hell someone would behave such a way, neglect? abandonment? or my new favorite excuse, on the spectrum? In fact, one might argue (me, I’m the one that would argue) that I could probably use a little more discernment and give a little less grace to anyone and everyone in my life. So not only am I NOT a passive bitch, but my ability to overlook and excuse sometimes toxic behaviors is at the Mother Teresa level. That should be celebrated not reprimanded.
So, much to the chagrin of my sometimes lover, I’d like to announce that I will be expressing my silliness MORE from this day forward. This means I’ll need to evaluate when it’s easiest for me to feel the most lighthearted.
Like many of you, I find myself smiling more and feeling more playful when I’m in a sunny place, moving my body, around cute animals, well rested, and when not dealing with anything bureaucratic or matrixy. Sounds like the formula for a perfect life. Well, it’s one I am currently in the process of attaining more permanently. But sometimes it’s hard, I admit, because I am not a hermit who just wants to shut herself out of society, live entirely off-grid, and occasionally come out of hibernation to brush up against another human. Why? Because silliness is best when shared. And so I must learn how to walk the tightrope. I must learn how to make light of the darkest scenarios but take myself and the identities I have constructed seriously enough so that I don’t offend anyone I love, or worse, get locked up in a looney bin or prison.
I was recently slinging all my belongings at a flea market in hopes of earning enough money to outfit my new-to-me minivan with a portable stove top. I would soon leave the silliless city in search of more zany sparring partners, folks who weren’t bogged down by rent, gray weather, and bland vegetables. I put out a box labeled “Name your price” thinking people would give me pennies for things that I likely found on the street or didn’t care about anymore. The opposite happened. Most everyone gave me MORE than I would have ever asked for such items. But, some refused to play my game at all. They’d ask how much an item was and I’d say playfully, ‘Well, how much do you want to pay?” One person I said this to just looked utterly distraught, “Oh I don’t want to do this, I never know what to say.” “Come on,” I cajoled, “play with me.” Not only did he NOT play with me, he put the item down and walked away. I literally would have given him that striped zebra onesie he had in his hand for a buck had he joined in on the game, but….he didn’t want to play.
So here it comes, the moral of the story, are you ready for it? Lighten your mood, get weird, and play ALL the games. No one is too old to play and no one is too cool to haggle for a rainbow-colored zebra onesie. We are all currently trapped in one matrix or another, so you might as well have a little fun in the process (as long as it’s not at anyone else’s expense, of course.)
Let the games begin!
When do you feel the most silly? Do you express your silliness often? Why or why not?
Fill The Space You Want To Occupy
Easier said than done right? It’s much easier to whine and complain internally about the person sitting, dancing, standing, walking too close to you, than to actually do something about it. Unfortunately, women are more likely to feel wronged by someone entering their personal bubble, but often won't speak up for fear it's not ladylike or polite. Women have been taught to remain quiet, passive, and apologetic. Ever apologized when someone bumped into YOU?
Well, what if I told you that you have the power to prevent this unwanted space intrusion? And no, this is not some hippy dippy tutorial about how to change your perception and learn to tolerate everyone because deep down everyone is battling their own demons, fuck that. Instead, it’s a more proactive, preventative solution.
We as modern women have to get better at playing the offense. It's not enough to "hear us roar", we also have to literally take up more space.
To further explain what I mean, I will give you a real life example (it just so happens to have to do with dancing, because well, this is my favorite pastime, my therapy, and something I happen to be very good at.)
Picture me over there on the dance floor. There I am swinging my arms, shimmying my hips, stomping my feet, bouncing my head ever so slightly, and probably grinning from ear to damn ear. You might look my way and think, “damn that girl really does not miss a beat, is she some sort of alien?” It’s true, I won’t miss a beat, even if the DJ orchestrates a less than stellar transition.
Well that is until someone rudely bumps into me. And someone will always bump into me, whether intentional or not.
The old me would have thought to myself “get your shit together drunky, you just made me miss a beat.” or “I hate people who cannot control themselves on the dance floor.” I'd get red inside, make a sour face, and then return to dancing.
Others will insist there is enough room for them to squeeze into the space next to me.
The old me would have thought to myself, “Don’t they know that’s where my right arm goes when the beat drops? How rude.” Well guess what, they don't know, and they don't care!
You know what I think now?
I’m not doing a good job of filling the space I want to occupy. Most men know how to do this quite well. Where women are taught to constantly apologize for imposing on others, men just show up and mark their territory. Here is a great article covering the phenomena of 'manspreading'.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you figuratively piss on every dance floor you enter, quite the contrary. All I am suggesting is that we as women should be more protective of the space we want to occupy. I know that I need a good size space for me to comfortably dance. That means I am going to guard that space like hell.
And how do you do that, exactly?
Well to start, move your body like your life depends on it. Vary your movements so no one can predict where you’ll be next. Wave your arms like those motherfuckers are on fire. And never, ever apologize. If you feel someone start to encroach on your space, use your shoulders. They are quite powerful when you alternate them back and forth, back and forth. You can also do all of this with a smile. You aren’t some greedy dance floor hog, you just want to have fun without passively letting others dictate where and how you dance.
Once you’ve mastered the art of offensive dancing, you can apply the concept to other areas of your life; while traveling on public transport, while trying to get a promotion at work, or while sleeping next to a bed hog. We will not be ignored.
Viel Glück meine Lieblinge!
*image by Unsplash.com
Confessions of a Self-Employed Person
Going to make this quick since I am off on another adventure this afternoon. I am going to LA to hang with old friends and also get out of this oppressive heat. Yay me! :)
For anyone who has ever worked a job with "weird" hours--you will definitely relate to this Buzzfeed article. As I was going down the list, I couldn't help but feel like most of them apply to me now as a self-employed person (and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.). I never know what day it is, I am always bored and ready to get crunk at the most random of hours (like 2p on a Tuesday) and it is always Snack O'Clock in my office.
Confessions of a self-employed person:
It's been so hot, that yesterday I didn't even put pants on the entire day. That is, until my friend popped over to give me a belated birthday gift. I totally spaced that he was coming over and had to frantically run around the house looking for something to throw on, finally settling on some crumpled up gym shorts. He absolutely knew what took me so long when I opened the door looking like a homeless gym teacher (did I mention I was also wearing a Golden GIrls Casino T-Shirt and that I hadn't brushed my hair all day either.) "You weren't wearing pants, were you?" BUSTED!!!
Wow--anyone that says self-employment is sexy couldn't be further from the truth.
Have a good weekend y'all!
Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me.