Freedom, This Way ➡️
What Does it Mean to Be a Free Human?
For a long time, I thought being a free human meant choice; the ability to choose whatever your heart desires, but now I am realizing that’s not such an accurate description. Just because you have a choice doesn’t mean you are going to feel fulfilled by either path. There are plenty of people with unlimited choices in the world and yet seem to still be miserable AF. Many are so free that they choose bondage and misery.
My New Definition of Freedom
My new expanded understanding of freedom is this: the ability to choose to become your fullest version of self, otherwise known as self-actualization, despite any external factors that you perceive to be working against you.
I realize that not everyone has the privilege to be born into a body, country, or culture that allows them such an opportunity to self-actualize. This is why it’s even more imperative that the ones who DO have the option to self-actualize, do so as soon as possible for they are the ones who are making choices that impact the rest of the world. That means that when you feel upset by all the injustices happening around you, it’s time to get to self-work.
Isn’t self-work just spiritual bypassing?
Contrary to some naysayers - I don’t believe that self-work is spiritual bypassing at all. Self-work is the catalyst for inspired action and serving others. Self-actualized humans are the ones you’ll find canvassing for signatures on petitions that seek to secure bodily autonomy for women, for example, not the ones sitting on the couch doom-scrolling because they are dopamine-dependent on flashing images, or over-consuming because their desk job is devoid of meaning or fulfillment. Self-actualized humans or free humans aren’t just sitting on a lounge chair sipping daiquiris all day. Free humans feel compelled toward positive action because it feels good, not because they feel like they are supposed to. That’s much different than spreading fear or righteousness on social media or serving others simply because you fear judgment.
If you are reading this you likely fall into the privileged category, which means your choices impact not only yourself and those around you but also those in neighboring countries and far-off lands. When you choose to walk the path of self-actualization, the path toward freedom, you are inevitably doing it for the greater good.
Do Those Who Serve Others Have to Sacrifice Joy?
Self-actualized humans don’t shy away from joy so that they can serve others. Self-actualized humans derive joy from acts of service and then spread that joy to others.
So if you have ever felt guilty for not doing enough, know this, you are not yet self-actualized and therefore not a free human…yet. Free humans don’t ruminate over the latest headlines nor do they make themselves feel bad for not saving the world 24/7. They know that steady conscious action is what makes a lasting impact and that impact can only be made if the human is willing to feel compassion for others and excitement for their own lives - at the same time. If that sounds like something you want to activate, keep reading.
The Path to Self-Actualization: Kindling Your Spark
You must not let your spark go out at any cost. That is the work, the ongoing work, forever and ever. Make sure to continue kindling your inner fire so that you can light the path for those around you.
If all you ever do is read the news and come unglued, you aren’t helping the cause, you are helping the cause to perpetuate. If you focus on the things you can control like how you feel from moment to moment, however, and prioritize feeling good in your body and mind, you might still read the news but instead of getting angry or depressed, you might suddenly get an urge to donate some money to a particular cause or feel inspired to rally your friends together and organize a fundraising event. Self-actualization promotes inspired acts of service.
You cannot help anyone when you are feeling stuck. If your physical energy is depleted, if your blood is not circulating properly, or if your digestive system is blocked, you first need to focus on unblocking the physical stickiness you feel in your body before you focus on self-actualizing and certainly before you commit to a cause you care deeply about. Why? Because what you focus on multiplies. If you are a community leader but you cannot get a good night’s rest because you are anxious about the laundry list of things you have to do the next day, you will likely spread toxicity to your community the next day. Don’t burn yourself out for the sake of doing good.
You will always need to maintain a healthy equilibrium before you can self-actualize. It will be a constant work in progress. Some days your body will need more care and devotion, other days your mind. What matters is that you make it a priority and learn to listen to the signals that your body and mind are telling you when you have been running on fumes for too long. If you start to get the warning signs, pump the brakes, and focus on self-work- click the link to learn how to do self-work. Once you’re feeling better, you’ll naturally begin turning outward toward your community and being a pillar of light to those who need your talents. Only then, will you truly be free. Free to serve others and feel joy simultaneously.
It will not be a straightforward path, however. There will likely be many obstacles along the way; distractions, noise, unsolicited advice, opinions, societal conditioning, parental expectations, deprecating advertisements, constructs, and matrices. It’s no wonder that people cling to the comforts of their bubble. It’s safe. But when you begin to self-actualize and seek the path of freedom outside your comfort zone, your world becomes much more interesting. Suddenly you find yourself at the right place at the right time. It doesn’t mean you will never have hardships or be put in stressful situations, it just means that you will have a steady balance as you navigate around or through them. And here’s the best part…the self-trust you cultivate during the self-actualization process will afford you the clarity to untangle any mess and the ability to be fully present in all the joy. Sounds nice, eh?
Do you consider yourself a free human? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments below.
Sing Even When Your Voice Shakes
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
This quote came up on my meditation app the other night and I immediately opened my to-do list app to jot it down. It reminded me of an Instagram story I posted recently, a clip of me singing The Cure’s, Friday I’m In Love song, and I wanted to make sure I remembered to write a blog post about it later.
This is that post.
On that fateful night, my roommates were out of town and I was looking forward to getting cozy and enjoying the empty house. Not wanting to fill my brain with frivolous noise, I opted to strum on my ukulele instead of scrolling through YouTube or bingeing Netflix. We’d recently learned Friday I’m In Love in my weekly ukulele class so I decided to practice that one.
After a few times singing it through, I noticed my voice began to align snugly to the notes and I was shocked at what I was hearing. Not only did the voice sound good, but I couldn’t help but feel like something deep inside of me, something that had been longing to get out for years, had suddenly been given the space to come through. It was magical. I quickly put my ukulele to the side and ran to get my phone.
“I need to record this,” I said out loud to an empty living room.
I recorded a few takes and smiled wider as I replayed them back.
When I was about 11 or so, my dad bought me a karaoke machine for my birthday. It was the early 2000s so the setup was minimal. There was no fancy screen with scrolling lyrics, just a janky microphone attached to a small boom box. I had to read the lyrics off of the pamphlet as the lyricless song played in the background. One evening after all the lights in the house had been turned off, I felt an impulse to sing to my heart’s desire. Knowing it was too late to fire up my karaoke machine, I grabbed my miniature tape recorder instead and began recording myself belting out a tune I had made up moments before. After a few minutes or so I began to get into my solo jam session. I replayed my song and felt proud of the progress.
The joy didn’t last long, however. A few seconds later I heard my sister yell “Shut up, you can’t sing” from her adjacent room. Though our doors were both closed, we did share a thin wall. Had I known the wall was so thin, I definitely wouldn’t have been singing as fiercely as I had been, nor would I have been replaying that song over and over.
Shame filled my prepubescent heart and tears welled in my eyes. I would never have another solo jam session again - at least when my sister was around.
I don’t blame my sister. To be fair, I probably did suck, it was late, and we likely both had school the next day. But her words chipped away at my confidence especially when it came to expressing myself musically.
She’s not the only one to chip away at my confidence over the years. In third grade, I auditioned with my two best friends to sing a song at a school assembly. They both got chosen and I did not. This seemingly small action contributed to the burying of my voice and the expression of my soul’s song.
I am just now beginning to discover the impact that this self-burial has had on how I take up space in the world. Take my profession for example. For a living, I ghostwrite social media posts for authors when behind the curtain I struggle to share my writing and step fully into my role as writer.
Who really cares?
No one reads anymore.
There are hundreds of other people who have already said what you are saying - save your energy.
These are just a few things that run through my head when I think about sharing a piece of writing. But like the aforementioned quote gently reminded me, a bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
This quote is a great reminder that you don’t need a reason to express yourself. You don’t even need to be that good at it. But if there is a song in your heart or a story itching to get told, it needs to be sung sooner rather than later.
And so sing I did. And I didn’t just sing the song, I also made the very brave decision to share it with my Instagram followers. And I’m not going to lie, I was NERVOUS. I was terrified that people would think I was crazy or that I had misjudged my talents much like I had done two decades before. But the exact opposite thing happened. I got so much love from people which helped reinforce the confidence I have been slowly building over the years, the confidence to express myself and step out from behind the curtain.
As we move into 2024 I want to express myself more and I want to encourage anyone who reads this to do the very same. Sing what’s in your soul even if you don’t have all the answers. Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not on brand, or you are afraid people will think you are nuts. Sure some might, but you’ll likely also be giving someone the courage to step outside their comfort zone.
And think about how much more joyful the world would be if all did that regularly!!
Do you feel comfortable sharing your creations with the world? Why or why not?
Express Yo'self!
I just finished reading Daisy Jones and The Six. In fact, I devoured it in just a few days, not a normal occurrence for this lover of short form content. For the first few days, I was under the impression that it was based on a true story, amazed that I had never heard of this “famous band”. Later after searching for a song of theirs on Spotify did I realize that it was actually not a real band but inspired by one, one that I and every other self-proclaimed witch loves very much, Fleetwood Mac.
Oops.
Anyways the story was told in an interview format. For the entirety of the book each character gets a brief moment to share his or her perspective on whatever scandalous event had been unfolding at the time.. I loved the style because it allowed you to get in the head of the character and understand where they were coming from. It also meant that sometimes characters recalled different details, which is indeed how memory actually works.
The whole book was great, and I recommend reading it, but there was one quote that stood out to me, and is the reason why I am writing this post anyway. No, I will not be getting into Book Reviews on the blog, LOL, I just really wanted to share this…
““Self-expression is about what it feels to live, not whether you had the right to claim any emotion at any time.””
Daisy, the main character, said this towards the end of the book when she was reflecting on a song that she had written. Though she held a different perspective than she did at the time she wrote the song, she wasn’t apologetic for the expression. And I just love that so much.
As a writer who gets most of my inspiration from the people I meet and the places I visit, I sometimes question whether I should be sharing intimate details. At what point does it become exploitative? And that’s where the quote comes in handy - your self-expression whether it be song lyrics, a painting, a short story, or an interpretive dance, is an expression of how you felt in that moment. And every feeling is valid regardless of the context. Point blank, you’re allowed to feel what you feel and you’re allowed to create art that demonstrates a particular feeling.
If you are struggling to express yourself, write your novel, or share your gifts with the world, I hope this quote gives you permission to take up space. Because whether or not your feelings are “right”, you have a right to express your feelings anyway :)