Today I Love My Body. And Tomorrow I Will Too.
July was a bad body month for me.
Not only did I get 29 ant bites while enjoying a nice relaxing Sunday by the lake (yes, I counted them), but I also almost sliced the tip of my left thumb off while preparing a salad for lunch one afternoon (that’s never happened to me while preparing a juicy hamburger…just saying). In addition, I’m always battling a recurring bout of adult acne. My skin clears up for a few weeks and then BAM, “did someone order a pizza?” Normally, I would say I am pretty confident with the way I look, but like everyone on the planet I have a little voice in the back of my head who likes to occasionally remind myself that I will never be America’s Next Top Model (does that show even exist anymore?)
After waking up in the middle of the night to put apple cider vinegar on every single one of my itching bug bites, I caught a glimpse of my naked body in the mirror. Instead of doing the usual scan for flaws, I thought to myself, “what a lovely body you have — long and lean.” For some reason it took a sleepy moment like this to see myself in such a pure state.
I'm the most happy when I'm using my body in the way it was intended (dancing, biking, walking, running, jumping, zumba-ing. sleeping, stretching, laughing, loving) and should therefore celebrate my body, not curse it for having imperfections.
Let's stop with the body bashing, shall we?
We give ourselves so much hell when our bodies fail us. Why, however, don't we take time to appreciate all the lovely, miraculous things our bodies do for us every single day? Replenishing, regenerating, renewing.
Guess what? My bites stopped itching. My thumb healed (and my nail grew back.) My spotty skin cleared up (for now)—(though I’ve recently discovered a benefit of having adult acne, people always think I look younger than 29..score!)
My sister is having a baby this September. Through the magic of Skype, I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her belly grow little by little. I can’t get over how amazing it is that her body is nurturing another life. I hope that my niece never has insecurities about her body, that she never looks in the mirror and sees flaws, that she never gets her worth from how beautiful she thinks she is on the outside. Instead, I hope she finds joy in nourishing her body with healthy foods, celebrates her body’s strength every chance she gets, and feels most confident when she’s moving her body the way it was intended (probably on the dance floor, if she's anything like her Aunt Kiki :) )
Repeat after me: Today I love my body. And tomorrow I will too.
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Do As I Did and Make 2016 the Absolute Best Year of Your Life
If a clairvoyant with a crystal ball had told me 10 years ago that I would currently be living on an entirely different continent, learning a new language, traveling to a new city every few months, and befriending people from all over the world, I probably would have smugly laughed, rolled my eyes and walked away. I rolled my eyes so much when I was 18, I am surprised my eyeballs didn't get stuck up there somewhere.
The truth is, I have always lived my life according to the confines of my environment. I loved having limits because it gave me goals to constantly be striving towards. I wanted the highest GPA, the first chair in Symphonic band, and the title of student body president. Though I didn’t always achieve the task at hand, competition fueled me.
It wasn’t until this year, however, that I discovered something incredibly fascinating and liberating (but also extremely terrifying.) When you remove the imaginary limits placed on you by your culture, your religion, your family, your friends, your gender, your partner, yourself, you can live your life exactly the way you want to.
Suddenly there are no limits to the number of friends you can have, the amount of dancing you can do in one evening, or the number of belly laughs you can have on any given day. After raising the ceiling to my happiness I discovered there was no ceiling. I could be happy every single day. Hell, I could be happier than the day before. Scratch that, I WOULD be happier than the day before.
Sure, not every day is a peachy fairytale. Sometimes I wake up with a scratchy throat. Sometimes I am hungover. Sometimes I work hard for the money. Sometimes I miss my mom and sister. Sometimes I have a belly full of doubt. But these moments are fleeting. You know what feeling always endures?Happiness.
Go to college, graduate, find a nice office job overlooking a cityscape, find a nice boy with similar values and start a life together, buy a house, start a family, then, then you’ll really be living the dream. Or, better yet, throw these preconceived notions out the window and do what you damn well please!
If 2015 is a preview for the rest of my life, then I’d say I am off to a pretty great start. Below are a few of my favorite memories of the past year:
The Travel:
Drove from Arizona to Georgia, road trip party of one; got abducted by aliens in Roswell, NM, got food poisoning in San Antonio, TX, ate vegan tacos in Austin, TX, saw the Rothko Chapel in Houston, TX, and cast a voodoo spell in New Orleans, LA. Moved to Berlin. Wandered around Paris, completely wide-eyed at the gloriousness of the beautiful city. Saw my DJ friend play at a fancy club in Stockholm (it’s true, everyone looks like a model) and lots of boats. Ate goulash and admired castles with my mama in Prague. Drank bacon flavored beer and sopped it up with kraut and sausages in Bamberg. Had all the fun with my zany family in Vegas (seriously, don't go there, there is no more fun).
The Lifestyle:
Met some fantastic girls who make me laugh every single day. Adopted a new culture that fits my needs and values. Downsized my life; my wardrobe has become utilitarian, I walk or take the metro everywhere, and when I grocery shop, I only buy things that will fit in to two canvas totes. Cut my unhealthy attachment with material objects and started spending my money on experiences (like traveling.) Learned to appreciate the special people (and animals) in my life, especially in the moment. Increased the amount of time spent dancing by at least one thousand percent.
The Spirit:
Listened to that pesky inner voice telling me when something isn’t a right fit for me. Opened my heart and subsequently let the most wonderful people inside. Realized that love isn't about possessing someone or meeting expectations or demanding things, it's about giving, sharing, and making yourself vulnerable. Surrounded myself with people that kindled my inner magic. Learned to love without ulterior motives. Distanced myself from energy zappers, those who make you feel drained after spending a few hours with them.
After all this growing and learning, I can’t imagine what the next level in this video game called life will bring. I’ve never felt more comfortable, at ease, and happy in my own skin. And guess how it happened? I started loving myself. Love yourself and only good things will follow, I swear. Soon you'll be a magnet for the most invigorating experiences and amazing people who love you for you. Every single silly, zany part of you :) Best wishes for 2016.
Fill The Space You Want To Occupy
Easier said than done right? It’s much easier to whine and complain internally about the person sitting, dancing, standing, walking too close to you, than to actually do something about it. Unfortunately, women are more likely to feel wronged by someone entering their personal bubble, but often won't speak up for fear it's not ladylike or polite. Women have been taught to remain quiet, passive, and apologetic. Ever apologized when someone bumped into YOU?
Well, what if I told you that you have the power to prevent this unwanted space intrusion? And no, this is not some hippy dippy tutorial about how to change your perception and learn to tolerate everyone because deep down everyone is battling their own demons, fuck that. Instead, it’s a more proactive, preventative solution.
We as modern women have to get better at playing the offense. It's not enough to "hear us roar", we also have to literally take up more space.
To further explain what I mean, I will give you a real life example (it just so happens to have to do with dancing, because well, this is my favorite pastime, my therapy, and something I happen to be very good at.)
Picture me over there on the dance floor. There I am swinging my arms, shimmying my hips, stomping my feet, bouncing my head ever so slightly, and probably grinning from ear to damn ear. You might look my way and think, “damn that girl really does not miss a beat, is she some sort of alien?” It’s true, I won’t miss a beat, even if the DJ orchestrates a less than stellar transition.
Well that is until someone rudely bumps into me. And someone will always bump into me, whether intentional or not.
The old me would have thought to myself “get your shit together drunky, you just made me miss a beat.” or “I hate people who cannot control themselves on the dance floor.” I'd get red inside, make a sour face, and then return to dancing.
Others will insist there is enough room for them to squeeze into the space next to me.
The old me would have thought to myself, “Don’t they know that’s where my right arm goes when the beat drops? How rude.” Well guess what, they don't know, and they don't care!
You know what I think now?
I’m not doing a good job of filling the space I want to occupy. Most men know how to do this quite well. Where women are taught to constantly apologize for imposing on others, men just show up and mark their territory. Here is a great article covering the phenomena of 'manspreading'.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you figuratively piss on every dance floor you enter, quite the contrary. All I am suggesting is that we as women should be more protective of the space we want to occupy. I know that I need a good size space for me to comfortably dance. That means I am going to guard that space like hell.
And how do you do that, exactly?
Well to start, move your body like your life depends on it. Vary your movements so no one can predict where you’ll be next. Wave your arms like those motherfuckers are on fire. And never, ever apologize. If you feel someone start to encroach on your space, use your shoulders. They are quite powerful when you alternate them back and forth, back and forth. You can also do all of this with a smile. You aren’t some greedy dance floor hog, you just want to have fun without passively letting others dictate where and how you dance.
Once you’ve mastered the art of offensive dancing, you can apply the concept to other areas of your life; while traveling on public transport, while trying to get a promotion at work, or while sleeping next to a bed hog. We will not be ignored.
Viel Glück meine Lieblinge!
*image by Unsplash.com